Ah! Beautiful Morning...

It's right that they say morning is the most beautiful time of the day.

If a day is a year - I would say early morning is like fresh spring time, afternoon is well, hot summer, evenings signifying the sombre autumn and the night is gloomy winter.

How interesting - as this obvious simile just dawned on me..

Why? Because I just rediscovered the beauty and preciousness of mornings - that had eluded me for far too long.

I am a self-confessed `owl' - meaning I thrive and live my day to the wee hours of the morning. Since my last posting was with an afternoon paper and doing entertainment, my work-hours were so flexible that I used to wake up close to noon, grab lunch and only enter office - since my editor did that himself! I would work till around dinner time or later.. went home and slept only about 3am.

And then, since I became a freelance writer, my sleeping hours became even more ridiculous. I blamed the Internet for such a habit at first and then, my cousin who is an even chronic owl herself told me about DSPS (Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome) so we both have a valid `medical' reason to justify our indulgence and lack of discipline.. and just blame it on having a `sleep disorder syndrome' that we had no control of..

Not that I am proud of it and in fact many times, I've mentally taken note to want to change and adjust this habit. I posted on FB and G-chat status that Ee-Tan wants to `kill the owl' But alas, the spirit is willing but the flesh is week. I continue to let myself be consumed by this so called DSPS and it came to a stage so bad that I was sleeping at close to 5am every day and wake up after 1pm!!

My day started only after 2pm and many times, I could not do the things I wanted to do because evening and nights also have their distractions.. I found myself not being productive and fruitful in my work. And then a few times I fell ill because of that - ie. after World Cup and also before my prolong flu from Shanghai.

Another area that took a toll from my sleeping habit was the quiet time and devotion with God. It's true that morning is the best time for devotions as I personally have experienced and agree. But during morning, I was in slumber land. When I got up, I quickly checked my emails/FB and then lunch and usually out after that. I was either watching Astro on Demand or glued to the PC and by the time I realised I had to sleep, it's like 4am plus? I was already too tired and felt it's too late to speak to God!!

But God is good! He pulled me back in time.. last week, I began to feel the stress from work - as I have quite a lot of on-going as well as new workload to keep me occupied. But because of my sleeping hours and also still trying to watch Astro and do many things, I couldn't get enough sleep. Instead of waking up after 1pm, I woke up earlier and could not sleep again.. That means I only had like 5-6 hours of sleep which was not enough for me (i'm one of those who need 8 optimum hours of sleep). The patterned continue for a few days until I decided to see my doctor for help and medication.

I already was exhausted in the last few days so I took the medication earlier (ie before midnight) And somehow automatically wake up earlier. Of course it took a few days to adjust.. Finally this morning, I woke up at 7:30am (thanks to puppy Jam), laid in bed a bit, and got ready by 8am. The birds were chirping still and the weather was good. Suddenly God prompted me to do my devotion.. and ya, it's the perfect timing!

So i took my Bible and some Bible reading aids and sat at our front patio, which Dad calls` JJ Corner' (not should be JJJ!) I prayed, sang some songs of praises and read 2 Corinthian 1. I haven't felt so close to God for ages.. even if I was in church service or leading songs on stage. There was a personal connection with Him and my soul felt lifted. Oh the joy of reading and meditating on His Word!

It was 8:30am or so when I had breakfast.. and I hadn't had breakfast except a rushed one on Sunday late morning before going to church. I practice my singing as I have vocal class at 2pn today, and then proceeded to the Internet to do the necessary things - work related mainly.

Now, it's almost noon and I had done so much already... I couldn't believe I still have more than half a day (of sunlight) ahead of me!! And I even wrote such a long blog entry! And imagine I have wasted all the mornings in my working adult life!!!?

I know it's not easy to change.. old habits die hard and maybe DSPS is true though most people don't buy it. But this vicious cycle has to be broken, once and for all.. These few days since I still have the medication to help me sleep well, I think I must aim to be in bed by midnight so that I have enough sleep and would get up in the morning!! And hopefully later I will adjust to live a `normal' life!

All I need is determination and discipline.. And I pray that God will give me the strength to do it.

Mornings are too beautiful and precious to waste away... where as the dark and quiet night (wee hours pre-morning) are best for slumbering anyway..

Yes, I finally see the light, and I want to see many many more beautiful mornings

Oh Jam - my miracle puppy!

This afternoon, I brought Jam to another vet. The one that I brought him to last week didn't seem very promising to me - the elderly vet hardly even looked at him or said much.. So after a media friend's recommendation, we brought him to this veterinary hospital in Gasing, Petaling Jaya that is supposedly very good and popular.

A young female vet attended to us. After looking at Jam's Xray, she said: `If I hadn't seen the dog and just by looking at this Xray, I would have thought the dog is already paralysed. Indeed it is a miracle that he recovers so well!"

I was slightly taken aback and my first reaction was to utter a silent prayer of thanksgiving to God.

"I was really praying for him.." was all I could say to the vet, who returned a smile.

Just like what the other vets have said, there's nothing much we could do for Jam's condition, said the vet. Jam's vertebral column at the lower back has been fractured from the fall - causing his spinal cord being slightly bent. There is no corrective surgery that can be done nor medication that could correct it.

But God has been merciful to this little pup and he has healed very well indeed.. and my only wish for him is for him to grow up normal and healthy

And he is such an active little pup. He is totally oblivious to his own handicap.. he is a playful, naughty and a happy little pup. When he runs, he hops like a bunny because of his weak back legs..

However, although he can lives a normal life, he is not exactly normal. The vet said we must be careful not to let him to be TOO active. Just 4 days after arriving home, he already learned how to walk, no, run or hop, up and down the stairs! I got a shock one day when I found him outside my door when no one brought him up!

Going up and down staircase is NOT good for him, said the vet, so is jumping or running too much. Therefore we really need to watch out for him. Maybe an idea is to confine him to a playpan of sort when no one is around looking out for him.. And it is better to carry him - the vet also showed us the proper way of carrying a pup - it's not the same way as carrying a human baby!

We spent a good some time chatting with the vet and again she emphasised and reassured us that Jam is doing very well already. And there's a good possibility that his condition would improve as he grows up, but of course there may also be the dreaded opposite. I think a lot also depends on how well we look after him.

So darling Jam, mommy promise you to take very good care of you. And in return, be a good pup and grow up healthy and well, ok?

I love you, my miracle puppy! :)

Pondering a `Cross-road'?

Somehow, I feel my life is at some kind of `crossroad' lately..

Perhaps it's to do with work and income - or the lack of it; a small part to do with the end of a relationship; and as a result the roaming of the mind thinking of unfulfilled dreams and aspirations - career, personal, spiritual... and then wondering as we're in the eighth month of 2010 and where my future lies..

I feel kinda lost sometimes.. :(

Yes, I know I am blessed. I don't have to worry about many things. I get to enjoy life as many see it - to pursue my interests, to have freedom to relax while many slog at work, and also hold a `job' that I love.. On top of that, I have God, a loving family, many friends.. so what else do I lack?

Well, blame my personality.... While I know and I'm independent, capable, confident in carrying out whatever I believe I could do, another part of me that I somehow feel I lack control of - I lack motivation, drive, discipline and worst of all self-control... to certain extent.

Ok, so last year I achieved something I am proud of - that that took lots of motivation, drive, discipline and self-control. I managed to lose significant amount of weight and `revamp' my appearance so to speak. But now I'm wondering why I can't translate that to other facets of my life - ie. my career, my ministries in God's kingdom, and general self-improvement which I am so far behind..

By self improvement, I mean things like reading to enhance my knowledge - articles and columns, news, books (i mean even frivolous books I hardly bother to read) but rather, I have been `wasting' too much time on things like Facebook (but thankfully I cut off the games addiction), watching HK series and God knows what else.. And what about the daily devotion time - reading the Bible, praying and meditating, which I so desired to do? Then there's exercise.. I regret to say since CNY, my fitness regime has totally gone down the drain..

It's not like I have been idle either. Just that for about 3-4 months this year, I have channeled my energy/time to something that unfortunately did not work-out.. to put it simply. I guess it's part and parcel of life experience and I'm still gradually picking up the pieces in a way, though life goes on as normal...

And now, after the `extended holiday' of family reunion etc.. and all is back to track, I'm faced with certain dilemmas. Firstly, work wise, what I thought was looking positive one to two months back unfortunately saw changes and I'm losing a current regular contribution as well as a couple of promising prospects. Other works are at best quarterly contribution and others adhoc. It makes me think.. could this be a `sign' that I might want to rethink of my career path? The thing is, I still love writing. In fact, the journalist in me would keep in view of interesting people/places I go.. It's nothing more satisfying to see your writing in print. But these days, I am not doing so much of `original' writing but many compiling, interviews that do not really test my writing skills (so maybe it's good to blog more regularly just to hone the skills.)

What about back to full-time work? I've been asked and my answer is still the same. Unless there's a job that offers equally great challenges, work satisfaction and remuneration, then I would consider.. So far, I have yet to find one and to be honest, it's hard for me to leave the freelancing lifestyle and freedom! If so, I have push myself more and also trust God to provide me with more work as a freelancer.

Spiritually, I know I have been quite `dry' in my walk but all the while from the people and places I go, I'm reminded again and again of His faithfulness. So I guess I should consciously live and commit myself and my life to the Lord daily and I believe He would guide. There is a nagging voice that still prompts me now and again to heed His calling and less of my own selfish desires..

Which brings me to this personal dream that I have been harbouring for some two years now. It's always been my dream to go to Italy, ever since a short visit after graduation. I love the country and felt so at home even though I didn't speak a word of Italian then.. Because of my vocal training, I started singing Italian arias.. Then the passion rekindled and I took up Italian lesson beginning of last year, which I enjoyed a lot. With the influence and encouragement of my first teacher, I really wanted to go to Italy - not just for a short vacation but to stay there for at least 2 months or so to study singing and language. Of course, the main factor would be financial. It's not easy to get sponsorship due to my age :( and that means I need to fork out quite a huge sum. But now that I have some contacts with my three Italian teachers who could help me in certain ways, it's a `dream' that can come true.. and in fact, I'm seriously considering and planning to go there in September 2011.

I'm praying for God's blessings in this plan of mine too...

So in the mean time, I know need more motivation, drive, discipline and self-control... to do what I should do.. no use feeling `sorry' for the inadequacy..

And I know, I am not lost really. And even if I'm at a crossroad - I should be reminded that His Cross would lead me onwards..

Wither de blog?

I have been blogging for five years now.. and I sigh at the pathetic state of this blog in its current form..

Looking back to the beginning, when I started this blog out of impulse and dedicated it to my two pooches - hence the name `Jess' two Js'.. I blogged enthusiastically and tirelessly, for the first couple of months, everything about my two dogs - including half-baked doggerel.

Then, as I ran out of things to talk about my dogs, it became my own blog - a `lifestyle' blog as it is known.. I blogged very frequently - at least twice or more a week, on everything mildly interesting that happened in my life - thoughts, events, food, travels etc.. and I took great pride in my blog.. as it has more or less chronicled all the worth-while memories that I would like to remember..

I don't know since when I have lost steam.. I even considered a couple of times in the last two years, taking a hiatus, or even stopping to blog altogether.. But of course I didn't give up. And at least there would be a couple of entries in a month or so.. But i must admit sometimes I kinda `forced' myself to come out with something to write, just for the sake of `updating' my blog!

I had wanted to do a `commemorative post' of sort to mark the 5th anniversary of blogging - which actually fell in the beginning of this month. But I forgot.. and many personal things had kept me occupied so much that the only blog post this month was something quite heart-felt.

Anyway, whey am I writing this post? I don't know.. in a way, as a freelance writer whose job is quite unstable, I really begin to feel that I have lost my flair for writing. For about half the work I do is monotonous, non-creative type of writing. And on the other hand, I have neglected this blog, which could serve as a platform for a more free flow type of writing. Sigh.. I am seriously beginning to doubt myself as a writer. Can i really write??!

Ok, self-pity aside, and since I'm an optimist, I can foresee there will be some topics worth blogging about. Actually I started a blog post last Thursday morning, when I was flabbergasted with American Idol's finale result! I was rooting for Crystal Bowersox - who undoubtedly was the most outstanding contestant for the insipid Season 9. And she performed very well on the finale performance show.. but again, almost repeating last year's shocking result, she lost to a guy who is pretty good, maybe more marketable, but definitely less brilliant than she was. And not mentioning bordering a boring personality. Here were the few lines I began with but had lost the steam to complete it...

I was holding my breath when Ryan Seacrest was about to announce the winner of American Idol this morning..

And I couldn't believe my ears!! Although deep in my heart I already had this hunch.. Again, for the 2nd year in a row, the clearly better contestant was robbed of the crowned!!

Ok, this was by far the most bored Idol seasons in years.. but amidst it, Crystal Bowersox was a sparkling star and had been consistently good with her choice of songs and her crystal clear, powerful vocals...

Oh well..

June is around the corner! And what's a bigger thing than the once-in-four-year Fifa World Cup? Yup, I am a World Cup fan although I don't watch much of other footballs including the Premier League. But since 1986 when the amazing Maradona led Argentina to win the Cup, I was hooked.. And had been following diligently the game of one-month every four years.. So ya, guess that would be something that I would blog about!

I guess the irony that although there may be things I would like to write about, I know there will be audience and sometimes I self-censor, especially something quite personal like relationships..

So, in the meantime, I guess I would not even call myself a blogger anymore.. unless I am once again inspired to really keep this blog as a close friend, whom I would like share my life and happenings and everything else that matter to me..

Till then..

So there are rainbows after a dark storm..

IT has been a long, tiring week... beginning with a storm early last Friday evening that culminated into a painful decision that appeared to be mutual.. and following that, hours and days ahead that were gradually transforming.. from almost hopeless to glimpses of hope..

But amidst this, God has been so good and faithful.. and He was definitely in control, guiding and leading us, in the heartaches, confusions and uncertainties we went through. And finally, when we knew that the feelings we had had never ceased, He showed us the rainbows..

Sometimes, we won't know what we had was precious till we (almost) lost it. And then when we thought we had lost it, we then realised how much it meant to us. And that if we take a step back and just think and look at the situation from a bigger picture, we then found out what we thought was `dead-ends' were just some knots that could be ironed out..

We had almost given up. But in my heart, it was more about `letting go' and letting God.. I knew it would be hard.. in fact, I cried myself to sleep for a few nights.. Memories came flooding back - of how it all began, the good times and how we talked hours and tried so hard to work through tough moments.. how we dreamt of a future together.. and while many good things that yet to come.. it was so sad that it had to end so soon..

But deep in my heart, and I know in his too, that we still loved and cared for each other... but the conflicts, the expectations and some issues surrounding our relationship seemed too overwhelming, too painful and tiring for us to cope. And then I also thought perhaps it was because we had entered the relationship too soon.. that we didn't know each other well enough.

I was grateful that we could still be friends. And I realise that even IF we were not a couple, we can be the best of friends.. we do share lots in common. In fact, the `friendship' that we were sharing in the past week, inadvertently became even stronger.. It's kinda strange, we actually communicated daily, either on chat, sms or phone..It was like we have never been apart.

Initially, he had said he believed we won't get back together... But on my own, I have prayed and somehow I knew somehow God is not finished with us.. So I just asked that he would leave things open and let God lead.. and he did not persist his original thought. And then, day by day as we spoke on the phone, I sensed the changes in his heart. Two nights ago, he told me it's not a question of `if' but `when' we would be together again... That was the first time I didn't shed tears when I went to bed.

And last night when we met up, it happened.. Just like we had the mutual decision at the same time last week to part, this time, we could no longer holdback our feelings for each other. Especially when we spoke of how some friends are having such huge issues and challenges in their relationship, and we could not even really pinpoint what big problems we had. Yes, of course we had our shares of fights and unhappiness (which couple doesn't) but surely they weren't something that we could not overcome, especially when we know how much we do love each other and how much we treasure the relationship.

We didn't talk much.. but there's a mutual understanding the comfort of holding each other.. Making up is always sweet.

While driving home, I was overwhelmed by emotions and cried.. I cried because I was so thankful to God for His goodness and faithfulness.. and that after the week of heartache and sadness, thinking that we have lost each other, he brought us back together.

Thank you God, for your rainbows after the storm... we would commit our relationship afresh unto You.

So that's what they call serendipity...

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

(Fly Me To The Moon - the 1st song we shared online)

Ok, here it goes.. this is indeed the most personal post i've written.

It's a weird, wonderful feeling that words could not begin to describe.. I mean, am not the type that share my intimate feelings on my blog but to not share it, is like betraying myself.. and my blog! :p

From the first encounter on Facebook (ya, the place i hangout most :p) a month back, it has been surreal how things have developed. No, i had not been looking for someone on the Net, nor even really searching for that someone elsewhere.. But the Almighty works in a mysterious and funny way.. and before we knew it.. it just happened.

He added me as `friend'. Ok, I've been receiving many friends requests and I tried to add only people I know or at least with some close common ties. I checked out his profile.. we had quite a bit in common and he seemed quite interesting. Didn't know why I dropped him a private message and asked: `do i know you..?' And that was the start of our continuous conversation on line.. from Facebook to G-talk.

Since then, we have spent hours (which adds up to days and maybe more..) chatting online. It was really really nice talking and also found we have so much in common.. we talked about everything under the sun, from family to food, politics to religion, and other frivolous stuff like sharing songs on youtube. And although we hadn't met physically, a bond has gradually formed and yes.. whether we wanted to admit it or now, the feelings for each other has developed...

But of course, neither of us believe it's possible to have this `relationship' just by chatting online, behind our screens.. the friendship has grown and I think in a way `absence makes the heart grows fonder.. So ya, after my Bali trip (during which there were quite a bit of sms exchanges) we met up for the first time and we enjoyed the company just like we had been online. And we continued chatting online.. and then in the days to come, the realisation of our feelings for each other sank in.

Lately, I had been dropping `hints' or just a fragment of my happiness on my Facebook status for the last two weeks or so. And yes, they arouse some curiosity.. No, i did not mean to flaunt it, but when the surreal has become reality.. it's not for me to hide it as well. Hey, might as well just come out of the open!

So on the one month `anniversary' that we met, we took the plunge and changed the relationship status. After all, we `owed it' to Facebook else we won't even have met!? ;) I was quite amused though by the influx of `congratulatory' comments.. but guess friends and relatives are just happy for me.

While it may seems fast.. but I guess it happens when matters of the hearts are concerned. We are no lovestruck teenagers.. and are going into it with our eyes opened. And to me, what is wonderful is that it's not the physical attraction that started it all.. We have talked and shared so much and that we can be very good friends anyways.. And I guess the most beautiful thing about our relationship is that neither of us saw it coming. Some may call it `fate' but I know it's our God brought us together.. And to him, knowing me is his` serendipity' (a word he needed to explain to me) .. he even wrote about it in his blog.

It is not merely about the warm and fuzzy feeling of falling in love, though that feels wonderful. But I just feel so blessed when I know there's someone whom you can click with so well, share so much with, who cares for you very much, who wants the best of your interests in heart.. and most importantly, likes you and loves you as who you are. Of course we all have our own flaws and weaknesses but I like to think we will encourage each other and bring out the best of each other.

Oh, and he makes me laugh so much.. he's quite a paradox (in a good way), and many things about him amazes me (don't blush now dear if u're reading this! :p) So, ya, I can't deny that I have been feeling on cloud nine for the last one-two weeks. Still am..

But of course, we also know life is not a bed of roses, and one has to put in efforts in a relationship. I mean we have only just begun our walk and surely there would be setbacks and challenges along the way. But at the same time, I know that our all-loving God who has given us more than we expect and deserve, would be leading us every step of the journey ahead. And we both also want to put Him first in our lives.

Thank you God for your immense blessings :) May our journey together and with You be a beautiful one that glorifies Your name.

my tribute to Robert..

As I write this post, our dear brother Robert Lam has been laid to rest.

He was called home to be with the Lord early morning on Saturday, having battled with cancer for many months.

I have delayed writing this post. For when I went with my cell group to visit him in hospital in new year's day and was so encouraged and moved by his unwavering faith and spirit and he shared with us, I even asked Robert if I could use his real name in my blog to which he smilingly gave his affirmative answer.

Now, I ended up writing a obituary of sort.. but not quite. I am just compelled to share as I saw how much his life has touched so many people, and in death he has left a legacy.

Of course most of us knew of him as a former newscaster, and the man with that deep golden voice. It was only in the last few years that I got to know him because of church ministries such as ISM and worship. I learned that he was truly someone who is really passionate for God's work and for people. He was 64 but had the enthusiasm and zeal of a 46 year-old.

When I knew that he was diagnosed with skin cancer some time last year, I wanted to join my friends to visit him at home. Somehow it got delayed and I subsequently saw him a couple of times in church and got to talk a little with him. And then his health condition took a bad turn end of last year, when cancer cells had spread to all the important organs. But all the while he remained optimistic, faithful and hopeful. To the very last day, he had never once complained or moaned about his pain and infirmity.

I visited him twice in the hospital - first on new year's day when he was fully alert but his strong deep voice had been reduced to half. And he was still very hopeful that God would heal him and give him 10 more years to live not that he's afraid to die but he wanted to serve God more on earth. That's what some of us have been pleading to God as well.

Then last Tuesday afternoon, as I was driving to hospital, I received an sms saying that Dr had given him 3 more days, my heart was heavy but I know I couldn't give up and even then Robert was fully alert. He called out my name when I walked towards his bed. His family was around and he struggled to want to introduce me to his children and siblings. Not wanting to make him talk, I just spent some time praying for/with him and I could feel the power of the Holy Spirit in our midst. Robert responded to my prayer with `Amens' intermittently, i could feel he was totally in God's hands. Although with a heavy heart, I felt peace and comfort because I knew God's peace and comfort was with him..

In the weeks that led to his home-coming, Robert had no short of visitors. And many church friends also had a chance to see him last at an appreciation evening that was organised specially for him - just less than 2 weeks before his real farewell. It shows how much he was loved and respected and although some may see the service as slight `morbid', Robert himself was really excited over it and although he could hardly speak much and had to be wheeled into the church with drips, his spirit was high..

And then, there's the wake service last night. As I entered into my church foyer, I saw colourful balloons, and then the auditorium itself was decorated with more balloons - including heart-shaped ones. Though unusual, I thought it was really refreshing and it would be something Robert would love to see. And true enough, I heard from another church friend that Robert had expressed his wish that his sending off would be a celebration! Indeed even the worship part was exuberant, our church choir singing along side a band of musicians (piano, guitar, bass, drums, violin and bongo) - it was the `loudest' wake service worship I've ever attended - true to the celebration spirit that Robert would have wanted.

I think many more people would have wanted to give their eulogy but the time ran out no thanks to an old friend of Robert whose long speech took up half an hour at least! Maybe it's hard to blame him for he does have many fond memories of his close friend of more than 20 years plus the fact that he is a public speaker who like Robert, could hog the mike with their commanding voice presence for a long time! :p

Personally, besides missing Robert as a friend and brother, I would miss his beautiful deep voice God has blessed him with. When the choir sang `You Raise Me Up', I was brought back to not that long ago, Robert was standing on that same stage as part of the worship team and sang the song. And on that stage, his trademark long yet commanding announcement to urge people to join and support the International Student Ministry which he was so much a part of.

The turnout at the wake service was enormous - the whole auditorium was almost filled to the brink. There were friends and relatives from all over - those who know him professionally, many from other churches, from The Giddeons (where he used to serve) etc.. From the few sharing we heard that gave a different side and perspective of Robert, one thing was sure. That Robert has indeed impacted many people, many lives in ways even beyond his own imagination. He has truly left a legacy.

As I walked past his casket to pay my last respect and bid farewell, I tried to hold back my tears. I was saddened.. but inside I thank and praise God that He loved Robert so much that now Robert is no longer suffering or in pain living in this corrupted world. His soul is in a far far better place with our Lord. And one day, when everything has come to an end, I know I will see him and other brothers and sisters in that place..

My tribute for Robert Lam is summed up in these scripture verses which Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 4:6-8

⁶For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. ⁷I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. ⁸Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Farewell my brother. You'll be missed.

Good Riddance to Facebook Games.

Half a month into the new year.. and I think I didn't do too badly for my ONE resolution.. Though I must confess I have not been doing the devotion everyday.. but I would catch up with it and tonite if I read for two days, I am already up to date.. And in a way I do feel spiritually closer to God.. :)

Then Yesterday (Thurs) I made a `drastic' decision - or you could count it as my 2nd resolution for the new year.

I was in the steam room for my detox treatment and since I had to be stuck in there for 1/2 hour, I used the time to pray and commune with the Lord. And I was committing my work to Him, and also confessing how bad I've been in term of wasting time playing on FB games.. and causing myself to sleep extremely late..

Then, the Lord spoke (ok, not literally but He instilled this idea into my head). It's plain and simple: I should just stop playing ALL the games with immediate effect.

It's not exactly very hard to do right, you would say.. Games are games.. but for someone like me who really enjoyed playing them, and yes, got addicted in the process, it is kinda a `drastic' decision. But I welcome it and I told God and myself that I WILL do it.

So it's set. When I got home in the evening, I went to Facebook as usual. First, I put up a status message to announce this decision - a self-tactic to make my decision more firm. Then I just took away all the bookmarks of the applications of the games.. I didn't go and delete the applications for various reasons.. First, it takes too long and I might soften.. and I have too many applications anyway. Secondly, I have kids friends who may want things from my games which I think I can give to them.. to think of it, for Pets Society especially, it's hard for me to just delete my whole account after I had invested so many months and built up a beautiful `home' with so many furniture and stuff in it. At least now even if I don't play at all, I know it's still somewhere in cyberspace..

Actually the one game that I was resisting last night was `Cafe World', cause I was in the midst of cooking a few dishes.. and then I have so many friends who are active playing this game, who without fail have been sending me gifts (dishes) daily. To show my resoluteness, I even deleted all the gifts that they sent so far since last night..

And then there was Sorority Life - a silly girlie game that actually promotes (if anything) vanity and accumulate material things!! But can you believe I have two characters there and even took the trouble to add many strangers just to be come `sisters' (and then deleted them from FB friends cos they're total strangers) And I reached level 109 or 110? in one.. that's A LOT of hours or days or even weeks of time.... sigh

So am I having withdrawal syndrome from FB games? maybe.. I don't know. I know myself too well. If I didn't take such a drastic measure to stop altogether, I could never have the discipline and self control to play just sparingly. Because I have an addictive streak, and from past experiences I have learned the lesson of how addicted I get with things like computer-related games..

A friend actually commented on my status message: `see how long it lasts'!! Hmm but I am really determined to make it last until I have no more interest whatsoever with these games anymore!!

So, good riddance to Sorority Life, Cafe World, Petville, Restaurant City, Pet Society, and Word Twist (though basically I have only one opponent but I can get carried away) All of you have given me fun and good time but at the same time got me wasted hundreds of hours .. so like what the song sings.. it's `Time to say Goodbye..'!

update 17-1-10:
I DID IT!! I just deleted all my FB games applications except Pet Society (for reasons above) and Word Twist (maybe once a while just to play it as it's non continual..).

The long day closes...

This was the last song we sang.

It felt kinda surreal and sad that it has come to an end.. when I know many of us still have so much passion and devotion to continue to sing in this choir.

I have joined Cantus Musicus for exactly two years now.. although it's only short two years, I have really enjoyed singing every Wednesday evening with a group of fellow singers and music lovers of diverse background; and also performing in the ambassadors' home and functions, and of course the parties and feasts that were part of them all.. And over time, I have also made many friends from the choir, some of whom I've grown quite close to..

What made Cantus Musicus different from other local choirs is the types of music we sing. From school days to university and church choirs, I have never been acquainted with such rare, beautiful and challenging repertoires - we sing much of the music in a capella, always in SATB parts, and I have never sung in so many different languages in my life!! Just at the top of my head, I've sung in German, Latin, French, Italian, Spanish, Dutch, Swedish, Russian, Irish... etc.. At first it was quite daunting but soon, I found it very interesting and refreshing and happily welcomed them!

We may not be the most `hardworking' choir.. for I know certain choirs have many rehearsals prior to performances.. we are after all an amateur choir but we always rose to the occasion and have done our best in each of the performances - and they have always been well received by the host and the audience.. and I, daring to speak on behalf of my fellow choir mates, there's this indescribable feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment having been able to belt out melodies from our hearts for our audience and ourselves.

(recap: these posts were just some of the concerts last year that I blogged about.. )

Besides feeling sentimental about the ending.. for I know I will miss singing with the choir every Wednesday.. some of us also feel it's a pity and a `waste'.. for I know there are many gifted singers and musicians among us who are passionate and committed in singing in this choir - many can be rightful soloists. Yes, of course we could join other choirs, but it won't be the same. There is only one Cantus Musicus which is totally unique.. not in a boastful way but we all know that.

I know we all shared the feeling of melancholy last night despite putting on a brave and cheerful front. Although we already were expecting it as there had been hints and warnings, I guess we were just hoping that this would be a temporary break.. that this current choir - which has grown to be very big - will need some form of `revamp' or `reformation'.

But from what we were told, it really seemed like a proper closure. `Cantus Musicus' is official no more.

As a fellow choir mate said: `Que sara sara, whatever will be, will be..' I guess that's part of life.. we know our choir director, who has invested so much of her time, energy and blood, sweat and tears into this choir, needs a break. And she has her reasons and we all respect that. But somehow I and many of us in the choir still harbouring the hope that this is not a permanent end.. perhaps some time later, a choir will be reformed in the same spirit of that of Cantus Musicus, and all the true Cantus Musicusians will gather together again to do what we love to do - crooning unique and beautiful music again..

We sang the rather depressing `The Long Day Closes' while we were having our last `Room 5 party' (yes, it was a wonderful feast again and I shall miss that too! :( )

No star is o'er the lake,

Its pale watch keeping,

The moon is half awake,

Through gray mists creeping,

The last red leaves fall round

The porch of roses,

The clock hath ceased to sound,

The long day closes.

Sit by the silent hearth

In calm endeavour,

To count the sounds of mirth,

Now dumb for ever.

Heed not how hope believes

And fate disposes:

Shadow is round the eaves,

The long day closes.

The lighted windows dim

Are fading slowly.

The fire that was so trim

Now quivers lowly.

Go to the dreamless bed

Where grief reposes;

Thy book of toil is read,

The long day closes.

Guess it's like what they say, all good things will come to an end.. Just that I feel this `end' has come too soon.

And I will always cherish the experience, the fun time and the memories of my two years with this wonderful choir...

Just an update of loose thoughts..

It's weird how you always feel time has stretched when you're going through out-of-ordinary eventful happenings.. The week when Ah Nei fell critically ill leading up to her demise and funeral seemed so long..

It's been a week since her funeral. And time just zooms by again.. it feels quite scary.

At least things are getting back to normal, or routine one shall say.

But even though the last couple of years Ah Nei's movement was restricted mostly to her room, I still could feel the odd emptiness especially when I passed her room. Her hospital bed had been cleared, her wardrobe emptied and now given to one of the maids.. Her left over pampers, food and medical stuff have also been given away, though not all. A photo of her (the one we used for obituary and funeral rites) is now placed on the desk..

Sometimes, it feels weird to think that she is no longer around.. she's gone. For good...

As for myself, writing work has not really picked up well since end of last year.. I sometimes fear that I'm gradually losing it.. that if I can't even write a post in my blog, how bad a writer I am.. I hope to be more proactive and have some luck in this area.. but in the meantime, I'm also thankful that I have a retainer job helping out a theatre company as publicist/ press officer of sort. And now the first show of this year is opening this week.. so things are getting more busy.

Met up with my accompanist this afternoon - a pretty brilliant pianist who could sight-read brilliantly. Yes, I'll be sitting for my first vocal exam in June and I really need to work quite hard on the pieces! At the same time, after four Italian lessons, I still think I've remembered very little.. :( I have bought some dictionaries and notebooks for vocabs and grammars - similarly to how I learned French years back.. So you can't say I'm idle after all..

Oh, to think of it, I have not posted on my slimming endeavour this time! Without divulging too much, just say that it's a serious one. As in I paid quite a bit and so far.. in just two-and-a-half week, I have managed to lose about 3.8kg already - and inches off the body of course..

(But at the moment, I won't disclose much details.. perhaps later!)

Will be going for the CCF alumni camp this weekend! It should be fun and nostalgic, and hopefully fodder for more interesting posting!

Bye-bye 2008!

In just a few hours time, 2008 will be history!

I've been so busy in the last week that I haven't had time to even ponder on the year that is to be, and make resolutions for the new year. Let alone having time to post a year-ender which i really wanted to do!

In a while, I will be going out with my sis and nephew - to be a reveller in the heart of town for new year's countdown! This is definitely not the norm.. I haven't been out there partying on New Year eve for so long! Rather I chose to attend my church's watch night service where individuals would share of their testimonies in the year and giving glory to God.. I find it more meaningful to usher in the new year in the presence of God and his people..

But today, it will be different - because my sister is back from Hong Kong and she and the kids usually are not back at this time of the year. Since my eldest nephew requested to go out for `count down' and fireworks (and he has never been in HK) I thought why not since it will be those `once in a blue moon' thing for us anyway.

So the plan is, dad will drop us off near Sentral monorail station where we would take the train to Bukit Bintang! I missed the Xmas decor at Pavillion last year and I don't want to miss it agian this time round.. so tonight is going to be my last chance.. and would be nice since sis wants to see Bintang Walk at night. Ya, she's quite like a tourist than a true-blue Malaysian! :p

As the fireworks will be over at KLCC, we will try to see if we could take the train over there for the countdown.. really, everything will be played by ears! Just hope we won't suffer too badly with the revellers and crowds!!

So..what are some year-end thoughts? One thing which I find it so `scary' is how fast time flies by these days. Especially this year - 2008 just went by with a blink of the eye. I don't know if it's to do with getting older I no longer look forward to the new year. Rather, if I have a choice, I want time to stand still for at least a while..

Compared to 2007, I think 2008 is quite eventful in every aspect of my life. Work has steadily picked up and by middle of the year, I was quite happy that I had enough regular works to keep me going. Unfortunately in the last quarter, things had taken a change - I don't know if it has to do with the economy down-turn but I've so many lost opportunities, so much so that I was beginning to get a bit worried on how I'll survive this year.

But God is good. After some rather relaxing `break' recently, I had stumbled upon something new and challenging for at least the first half of next year. For the last two years since I quit full-time journalism, I have been writing for publications as my main bread and butter. I've hope to branch out to other forms of writing and now, I can say that I'm given the opportunity. It's to do with something I have a great passion for - but I'm still a freelancer and this is of a part-time basis. At this moment, I won't reveal too much..

But I'm quite excited about as well as some of the on going work.. though I've met some hiccups in the last two months as far as writing is concerned, which even made me doubt whether I'm suited to be doing this..

2008 was also quite a fruitful year for travelling.. although I did not make it again to go to the U.S. as I wished to from last year. In May, our family went to Zhuhai, China and then Hong Kong to celebrate my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. I went to Krabi for a seaside escape in July but the highlight must be the short-term mission exposure trip to Yunnan with my church in September. Indeed, that one week opened up both my physical and spiritual eyes to so many things.. It was a memorable trip that is also paving ways for more opportunities in the missions field.

On the resolutions side.. I think I did not deliberately make any resolutions for 2008 based on past failed experiences. But there were a few areas which I wanted improvement in, and these are like the perpectual resolutions since eons ago. And yes, again I failed miserably - especially in terms of losing weight/diet, exercise and sleeping earlier.. In fact, some of them went from bad to worse!! This over-weight-internet-addict-OWL can't change!! :((

I don't know how determined I would be in 2009 but I don't think and seriously hope things won't get worse.. In fact, I should buck up and live a healthier life before I hit the big 4-0!

So ya, not much serious thoughts and reflections for this year end - in particually today. And the next post will be next year..

Happy New Year 2009 everyone! May God bless...

Decisions and divine guidance

As we entered into the last two months of 2008 - gosh where had all the time gone - it seems my life has become even more `interesting' with some unexpected things happening. I'm just really thankful to how God has been leading me step-by-step and working in my life - in whatever circumstances.

On Monday, I was given two decisions to make from two very different appointments. The first was related to my faith and my involvement with mission field that requires me to take a leap of faith. The second was related to work - I was offered to take on my biggest freelance work project to date. The client is a multi-national company but through a freelancer designer.

Of course for the former, I didn't have to give an answer immediately.. In fact deep down I know I would do it because i already wanted to just that i didn't know when or how. But i would take time to pray and I know God will speak clearer to me even.. But for the latter I had only till today (Wed) afternoon to reply the designer. I was glad to have such an opportunity to take up an interesting and challenging project but the flip side of it is that it seems we have a mammoth task ahead and would require lots of brain power, effort and time. Deadline is tight and the job is nothing but straight forward. If I am totally free from any commitment and work these two months, i would likely to have taken up this challenge. But I have already some commitments in these two usually busy months.

So after weighing the pros and cons, and also seeking advince from sound-minded close friends, I made up my mind by Tues afternoon - I turned down the 3K job.

And I felt relief and glad. As a friend pointed out rightly, I must admit my main motivation was the money, second the rather prestigious portfolio. Not that it's wrong per se. But to me, I know myself better. One thing is, I can't handle great stress. At the same time, I know if i were to take it up, it would affect those ministires i've committed to do. I thank God i have the luxury of not taking it cos i don't really need this money (tho it's nice and useful to have more!) - in fact, the last two months I've been blessed with almost double the income I normally get!

As for the first decision. I'm less `worried' - in fact, I didn't even struggle as much as the work-related! Somehow i know God is leading me one step at a time. My mission exposure trip to Yunnan in September has not only been an eye-opener but also open up my heart.. That i somehow felt the call to be more involved in mission work - in whatever way i didn't know. But i know it was not by coincidence that when our missionary partners in Kunming found out I'm a journalist/writer, they sounded quite excited and said there's a need for people like me to help in their work - on top of that I know the language...

So what's been a seed germinated inside to return there is now gradually coming to a reality.. No, i'm not doing something drastic overnight. In fact, what has been offered and asked of me is a stepping stone to experience and know more about the actual thing. We know it's not easy to be working in the mission field, but I'm not so worried because even if I'm unsure, God knows. I can just place my trust in God's leading as He has been doing for my whole life - including thingss beyond what we can plan ourselves..

Yes, He knows what's good and right for me. And on my part, I just pray that I will be obedient to serve and to do His will.

So ya, decisions may be difficult but not so when God is helping you along the way.. :)

Leaving for a week amidst `exciting' time..

I'm flying to Kunming, China, early tomorrow morning for a short-term mission trip with my church members..

I've been quite excited about it, and after hearing a bit more from pastor last Sunday on the trip, I know my earlier concerns were unfounded (I was actually worried that the trip would be more a sight-seeing tour than actually mission-based) But the thing is, we can't put up too much on what the actual itinerary is due to the sensitive nature of preaching the Gospel in the nation..

Today is Sept 16, 2008 - it's the unofficial but the real birthday of Malaysia - it's this day 45 years ago that Sabah and Sarawak joined the Peninsular and thus born MALAYSIA. But we put all importance on August 31st where Malaya was born after independence from Britain.

But this year, Sept 16 held a bigger meaning to the patriotic Malaysians who want to see a change for the better for the nation. After the political tsunami from the 12th general elections in March, the then de-facto opposition leader Anwar Ibrahim has announced with full confidence that the PR opposition front will form the new government on September 16.

The anticipation was great but as the date neared, most people knew it won't happen so soon.. And true enough, today we still woke up to the same old government. BUT the events that had been happening, especially that of three innocent ind. being detained under ISA and the aftermath, has indeed brought more heat and excitement.. We're living in a sad and corrupted and uncertain time, yes. But we're also living in an exciting, changing time..

To be honest, I have not been very updated at all with current affairs especially since I left the newspaper.. I only know of the `big' news. So if a person like me who is `half-pail-full' where politics is concerned, also sit up and follow the latest development these few days.. I think it is an indication that something big is happening, and the world is also watching..

But tomorrow, I will have to temporary leave my homeland and embark on our one-week trip. To be honest, it's not the most ideal time to go... if I've a choice, I hope the timing is not such. Not after I just read from Malaysiakini and other new sources that Anwar says he is just time to the PM but has the ability to form the new government with the numbers of detractors.. Ok, maybe he's playing political mind game. Maybe the Patakan Rakyat does not even have the majority to form the gov. But still, the battle is fully on.. and we aren't mere spectator as we live in this country.

Also, I'm quite concerned of when our MP Teresa Kok (yes, on paper, she is my MP cos I voted for her at Seputeh - where we once lived) will released from ISA detention.. and how's her exact condition as she was said not be too well.. I really hope by the time I'm back next week, she would be released already, and so would blogger RPK as well.

I'm going to have a week of new and I believe memorable experience in a foreign land (though it's supposedly be my ancestor's home but Malaysia is only my one home) - and it will be quite a hectic one where I will have to check out of our accommodation at 8am daily and travelled on road for hours. But I'm praying the Lord will open up our spiritual eyes to the needs of these places.. which are afflicited with poverty and harsh environment too..

I don't know how much i can share publicly after this trip but I still believe in freedom of speech on blogs - whether it is political ore relligious - provided we do not offend and incite another person's belief..

Mixed feelings - that's what I'm having now. I'm excited yes, but a bit heavy-hearted due to the current situation at home.. Oh well, whatever it is, I guess I'll just go in faith.. and right now, I better finish packing - I'm really doing it light this time!! :p

I'll be totally offline for one whole week - don't think there's time or maybe even the facilities to go on line! So till then.. tata for now.

Time to take action

It's been a week since I got back from my holiday..

It has been quite `happening' - got sick, interviewed 3 women and chased two deadlines (one still working on), birthday dinner, `reunion dinner' with friends, watched a musical, many Starbucks sessions.... Definitely there were some noteworthy topics and events to blog about. Only problem is, I feel no inspirations..

In fact, I am tempted to even take a hiatus from blogging... although I don't know how long it will last..

Today, I caught up with a good friend who I've not seen for a few years as she is furthering her studies in U.S. We talked about many things.. her life, our views on certain things and on our spiritual walk.. Then it jolted me how slack I've been in my personal devotion. Not that I don't know but I think now I really want to do something about it.

And I know the no. 1 `enemy' that takes my time away from more important and meaningful things to do (ie. devotion, reading and others..) is my time on the Internet!

This is nothing new of course. For I am a self-confessed Internet addict. But may be it's time to really do something about it.

No, I'm not saying I'm going to go `cold turkey' (like how one quits smoking!) for I still need the Internet for work and correspondence of course.. Just that I think I will make a conscious effort to prioritize my free time - and keep `leisure Internet activities' ie. reading blogs, blogging, Facebooking, chatting etc... to just a limited time and only AFTER I've done the more important things..

Just imagine, I haven't completed reading a book since the Harry Potter last year. I could spend some time playing the piano, doing a bit more exercise, or even watching the DVDs I bought two years ago!! (ok, the latter not significant but u know what i mean..) :((

I know some of you who know will probably snigger at my (futile) attempt yet again. But hey, success sometimes only come after a few times of failure..

So yes, I'm now announcing officially that I'll only blog as and when, and I will cut down on other Internet activities. But I hope my regular readers (if there are any) will understand and still come back to check this site once in a while.

And perhaps, by then, there will be some interesting things to read.

Tata for now..

Where, O death, is thy sting?

Never had I understood this verse in 1 Corinthian 15:55 more clearly..

A dear friend of us from church succumbed to lung cancer yesterday morning. It has been one-and-a-half year since Michael was diagnosed with stage four of lung cancer. I remembered we were shell-shocked and sad to receive the sms his wife Elaine sent during our fellowship Christmas party in 2006. We never expected that.. end stage lung cancer!? He was not even a smoker at all. There was so much to look forward to in his life - Elaine was then pregnant with their first son. And they were one of the most loving couples, and such nice and friendly people I know.

For the last 18 months or so - we saw how they battled cancer through medical treatment, also prayers and supports from church and friends.. At one stage after chemotherapy, the tumor had actually reduced in size and there was some optimism. But unfortunately not long later, his condition got worse and cancer has spread to other parts of his body.

All along, Elaine has been a wonderful and supportive wife - she constantly updated us of Michael's condition through SMSes so that we could pray for him. She also had quit her job especially after baby Brian arrived - and to take care of her husband and baby full-time. On the other hand, I am encouraged and amazed by Michael as well. Whenever I saw him, he had never once complained of his illness or pain if he was suffering any. He was still the same cheerful, smiling guy I knew since day one.

Usually we would see them during Sunday service and sometimes have lunch together. But for the last two months or so, due to his worsening condition, they couldn't come out much. Then about two weeks ago when I got a SMS from Elaine saying that Michael has been warded at Pantai due to breathing difficulty, I decided to pay them a visit. And I'm glad I went although that was the crazy evening - the eve of fuel price rise. That was the first time I saw Michael totally bald but he seemed still in good spirit. He didn't talk much because he was given the oxygen mask then so Elaine and I talked for a while.. and I was very encouraged by what she shared with me., with Michael nodding his head. Indeed their faith was strong and the Lord has been very close to Michael during his final days on earth and filled him with His Spirit. Unfortunately I couldn't stay too long and said a short prayer for Michael and bid goodbye.

That was the last time I saw Michael. The news of his demise was equally if not more shocking than the news of him diagnosed with cancer. Although to be realistic, we have mentally prepared for a day that he might not make it. But the night before, I just got an sms from Elaine asking us to pray for him as he has got an infection and was warded again. I was thinking of following up the next day. Then when I woke up (very late), I got the news. Elaine herself also sent out sms to inform..I decided just text her rather than call as I know she must be very worn out and distraught.

I was in a melancholic mood the whole day.. on one hand I know Michael has gone to be with the Lord and is at a better place..but I really feel for Elaine, Brian and Michael's family. Especially Elaine - I prayed that she would be strong and her faith not shaken..

I was really encouraged by her sharing at the wake service tonight.. yes, I could see she had cried buckets but last minute she decided to go on stage to share about what happened to Michael before he left. It was similar to what she had told me in the hospital and although being filled with the Spirit may be something a little `foreign' to Baptists (we are all from a baptist church), but I know it's true and I know that the Lord had been with Michael and sustaining him to the last hour. Although like what pastor said, we don't understand why God did not heal him and let him die, but we know God never left Michael alone and he is now with Jesus..

I song led for a bereavement occasion for the first time. I wanted to do it when I was asked because that was something I could do for my friends. I was quite worried at first for I had never done it before - what should I say? what songs to pick? it would be far easier to lead songs for wedding (which I have done a few times) I was asked to choose only four songs. Since yesterday I was praying that the Lord gave me the right songs - those that can comfort and give hope to the family. Elaine also called me last evening and told me a song that Michael liked so I incorporated that.. which was actually very appropriate too.

Praise and thank God that the songs had touched many people - for I had some positive comments.. Actually as late as today I didn't know how to choose two out of three songs (the other two - the opening and Michael's song - were fixed) Finally I was so glad that I had `Because He Lives' as closing.. I had to forgo `It is Well With My Soul' for `In Christ Alone' because I felt the latter has a more powerful and hopeful meaning.. `It is Well' is quite a popular hymn for bereavement I guess but it would be a bit too sad.. somehow I thought.

It was a meaningful memorial service for Michael - a number of his friends went on stage impromptu to give mini eulogy. The amount of people who turned out also said a lot about his personality. And Elaine's own speech was very touching and inspiring.. though I saw her broke down after she spoke.. :(

Just to digress from this a bit.. but also in related topic - last evening I interviewed a couple who lost their teenage son to cancer. Already affected by Michael's death, that was not something I really looked forward to hear and talk about but deadline was looming so I just had to go ahead. It turned out to be another amazing testimony. Their son had so much faith in God that he became the inspirations to the parents and now that the parents, who had led lukewarm Christian lives had turned back to God and active in serving too. The way that the parents talked about their son (who died less than a year ago) was quite amazing - to me it really opened up my eyes on how powerful `death' can be. Because for a person who has found Christ, there is no fear in death. Death has lost its sting.

The last verse in the closing hymn we sang goes:

"And then one day I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
and then as death gives way to victory
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives"

Of course, we know for the loved ones left behind, it's sad and I can really empathise with Elaine and their young boy. She will no doubt miss her hubby dearly. But I also believe that with time, she will come out of it because the Lord is there with her at all time.

Farewell Michael, you have fought a good fight! We shall miss you..

Take care and be strong, Elaine. We love you and God bless..

Earthquake after-thoughts...

I don't think anyone would like to read more about the horrifying tragedy that struck China's Sichuan province last Monday - but somehow I just felt compelled suddenly to want to write this post..

In fact, at 2:28pm on May 12, my parents and I were still in Zhuhai, China but heading towards the harbour to take a ferry back to Hong Kong. That day was my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. We knew nothing of the disaster until we reached Hong Kong and when my brother-in-law picked us up for dinner, he informed us.. But none of us knew how big the magnitude was at that time..

As I picked up the newspaper the next morning, I knew how bad it was. But being on holiday, I was not going to immersed myself into following the aftermath of the tragedy. I know now it sounded kinda selfish..while my dad and brother-in-law probably watched it on TV or Internet or reading the news, I didn't do that. I knew I would be greatly disturbed and saddened.. so I was only reading headlines until three days later when we went home, and I picked up a local news magazine and an English daily.

(The least I had done was donate some money when I came across the Red Cross people collecting funds for the earthquake victims in Central. But I know giving money is the easiest. I salute those who actually volunteered themselves and in process risking their lives in the relief work.)

But I still didn't watch TV news (Astro's Chinese news channels had comprehensive coverage) at home. I heard how my brother-in-law cried, so did my parents while watching television. So I hadn't cried (because I didn't subject myself to it) until yesterday - the 0ne-week mark of the tragedy.

Two something in the afternoon, I was in my room when my mom suddenly called my name. As I entered her room, she pointed to her television (i think it was on Phoenix News Network) which had no sound at all. The whole China was observing a three-minute silence in respect of the victims of the earthquake. But in some cities, vehicles let out long honk probably signifying wailing or crying for the deceased..

Seeing the solemn and distraught faces of the citizen across China on the TV screen, my mom and I stood in silent and I felt tears welding in my eyes. Just like the Tsunami disaster, although the destructions were so bad, one thing came out of it. Humanity unite, and everyone, despite nationality, race or religious differences, come together.

In a way, China had responded well in the relief work. I couldn't help to wonder if such disaster ever struck Malaysia (God forbids) what would have happened..

At press time now, more than 40,000 had perished and many more injured. Hundreds of thousands lost their homes... stories of heroes and survivors and victims made it even more heart rendering.. But in a way, I don't know if there is a media overkill cos personally I felt adequate coverage would suffice but for more than one week now, those news channels are broadcasting 24/7 nothing but on the earthquake and programs surrounding the disaster.

But again, it is such a big news for China that we could not neglect its impact..

Personally, I think this earthquake also taught us, especially myself and my family a lesson. You see, as I briefly mentioned in the last post, I had some tiffs with dad during the trip.. even when in Hong Kong. I was pretty upset as I felt quite wronged sometimes. But what my sis said really woken up me and even my dad, I think. She said just look at what those people in Sichuan are going through and yet we were fighting over small insignificant issues.

And for my parents too. At least mom realised it and I hope dad did. He had been easily provoked and became angry at either mom or myself.. in fact, even on the anniversary day i.e. the earthquake day, there was another episode between the three of us which timing was at the same time as the earthquake! I think that kinda shook us a bit too..

So yeah, life is unpredictable and short. It is folly not to treasure our relationships especially that with your family and loved ones.. While praying for the families of the earthquake victims and the relief work, I only hope and pray that we would not take each other for granted, else one day we will live to regret it.

Saying goodbye, especially a permanent one, is never easy..

Farewell, my good old RAV4 who has served me well for 8 years and 8 months! :(

Today, as in this afternoon, I will be driving her (I like to think it's female) to the car showroom and part with her forever. She was sold on Monday - a trade in for a new car..

Yes, I'm getting a new car. It's already booked and I'm quite ecstatic as it's like a mini dream car come true. BUT at the same time, I feel a tinge of sadness.. no, actually more than a tinge.. to part with my cute little SUV which has been my faithful companion for so long.

The car we bought re-con from Japan in September 1999, was something truly special to me.. and in the years that I've been using her, she has received countless compliments for her `cuteness'.

I know I hadn't been treating her too well.. especially last year where I caused her quite bad injuries - not once, but twice! As documented here, and here in this blog. Because of the first crash, she underwent some cosmetic change. She used to have a handsome kangaroo bar and spot-lights in front (hard to dig old pix..)

Really I was not desperate to get rid of her even though she's pretty old now (1996 model) but it's for practical reason. In the last few months, the poor car had been having permanent illnesses of sort.. I have sent her to workshop and for servicing countless times.. but some teething problems persisted. Yes, she could never be restored to her former glory.. though her exterior is still well maintained as you could see from the pix.

We've been shopping for a new car for a while now and after test driving a few, I've found the one! So, there is no longer any reasons to keep her. I can't afford having two cars!

I remember parting with my first car - a Mazda 323 (Familiar) which I used since I started work in late 1991. That time somehow I never felt any sadness, cos the joy of owning a more superior SUV was just overwhelming. Or maybe I never really loved the Mazda that much..

Now, I also of course love my new car (which identity i shall keep it a suspense first) I will only be getting it after I come back from my holiday next week.. or perhaps even later. But since I have grown so attached to my dear RAV4 in these 8 years and 8 months, hence this post to commemorate the farewell..

Bye-bye, my dear car.. I hope you find a nice new owner who appreciates you as much as I did. So sorry for causing you accidents.. you know I didn't mean it.

p.s. gosh, it's one thing talking to my dogs but now I'm talking to a car? :p

Ecstasy from Election Tsunami!

Blogger failed me early this morning! It went kaput probably due to heavy traffic.

Gosh I had so wanting to blog (but delayed till now) cos I was, and still am, so excited!! By what else but the amazing results of our 12th General Election!

I was first told that DAP's Tony Pua was way ahead of incumbent Chew Mei Fun at around 6pm, then the shocking results came in one by one.. rookie oppositions beating long-standing MP, Oppositions winning seats that once considered stronghold of BN, and that Penang has fallen to the Opposition.. by dinner time, the atmosphere was brewing hot at home.

After dinner, dad and mom came to my room to watch news on TV while I stayed glued to the Net to get the latest results from Malaysiakini. There were lots of `Wows' and `Ahs' from the three of us!

As time passed, we were hearing more and more shocking results to our joy. Experienced ministers have fallen to young fresh first-timer.. the whole constituencies held securely by BN for many years were `wiped out'. And guess what? FIVE states have fallen now belong to the Oppositions! Goodness, never in our (at least my parents and I) wildest dream that we expected such results!

My dad, who has witnessed the nation's politics (and himself quite involved in his younger days) since independence day, was delirious, crying out: `bien tian! (loosely translated as big upset). He said this is truly a historic election and the results were even more amazing than the GE in 1969 - ie. the Opposition's best performance.

Consider just the last election in 2004, BN had won by more than 90 per cent majority.. and this time, they are denied their 2/3 ruling majority!! What's also great is that we are no longer playing the racial card. It's not about Chinese against the ruling government. We can see multi-racial candidates on both side of the coalition.

The voice of the people had spoken - the voice that calls for a change - to rid corruption, injustice and inefficacy and the many woes that the government had exhibited. The Rakyat is not blind and this time we have bravely come out to vote for change.

This is the 4th time I voted and followed the G.E. but I have never felt sooooo excited before. I'm not alone of course. Even at 3am, i was chatting with a few friends online who were equally ecstatic of what had just happened!

And I had difficulty getting to sleep.. just too excited still. I can't imagine those involved in the elections could actually slumber as well..

So a wind of change has come. And man, it started off with a tsunami election that blew everyone away - a turning point and defining moment in our country's politics. But this is just the beginning. Lets pray that the leaders would work together to bring about a true change for the better.