But amidst this, God has been so good and faithful.. and He was definitely in control, guiding and leading us, in the heartaches, confusions and uncertainties we went through. And finally, when we knew that the feelings we had had never ceased, He showed us the rainbows..
Sometimes, we won't know what we had was precious till we (almost) lost it. And then when we thought we had lost it, we then realised how much it meant to us. And that if we take a step back and just think and look at the situation from a bigger picture, we then found out what we thought was `dead-ends' were just some knots that could be ironed out..
We had almost given up. But in my heart, it was more about `letting go' and letting God.. I knew it would be hard.. in fact, I cried myself to sleep for a few nights.. Memories came flooding back - of how it all began, the good times and how we talked hours and tried so hard to work through tough moments.. how we dreamt of a future together.. and while many good things that yet to come.. it was so sad that it had to end so soon..
But deep in my heart, and I know in his too, that we still loved and cared for each other... but the conflicts, the expectations and some issues surrounding our relationship seemed too overwhelming, too painful and tiring for us to cope. And then I also thought perhaps it was because we had entered the relationship too soon.. that we didn't know each other well enough.
I was grateful that we could still be friends. And I realise that even IF we were not a couple, we can be the best of friends.. we do share lots in common. In fact, the `friendship' that we were sharing in the past week, inadvertently became even stronger.. It's kinda strange, we actually communicated daily, either on chat, sms or phone..It was like we have never been apart.
Initially, he had said he believed we won't get back together... But on my own, I have prayed and somehow I knew somehow God is not finished with us.. So I just asked that he would leave things open and let God lead.. and he did not persist his original thought. And then, day by day as we spoke on the phone, I sensed the changes in his heart. Two nights ago, he told me it's not a question of `if' but `when' we would be together again... That was the first time I didn't shed tears when I went to bed.
And last night when we met up, it happened.. Just like we had the mutual decision at the same time last week to part, this time, we could no longer holdback our feelings for each other. Especially when we spoke of how some friends are having such huge issues and challenges in their relationship, and we could not even really pinpoint what big problems we had. Yes, of course we had our shares of fights and unhappiness (which couple doesn't) but surely they weren't something that we could not overcome, especially when we know how much we do love each other and how much we treasure the relationship.
We didn't talk much.. but there's a mutual understanding the comfort of holding each other.. Making up is always sweet.
While driving home, I was overwhelmed by emotions and cried.. I cried because I was so thankful to God for His goodness and faithfulness.. and that after the week of heartache and sadness, thinking that we have lost each other, he brought us back together.
Thank you God, for your rainbows after the storm... we would commit our relationship afresh unto You.