December summary and (just some) new year thoughts..

Looks like my blog is heading towards a natural demise.. but i'm reluctant to let it really die..

SO MUCH had happened in December but I didn't get to blog about it.. and now we're in the 2nd day of a brand new year, or should I add, decade - 2011!

Well.. perhaps I could just summarise - more for the sake of reminding myself of the more significant things and events that took place.. all in the month of December!

• Singing and performing 3 concerts with Cantus Musicus - Christmas Tree lighting @ Equatorial KL, Nine Lessons and Carols @ St Andrews Church, Weihnachtskonzert (German Speaking Society of Kuala Lumpur) @ Bukit Nanas Chapel. Each of these concerts were followed by sumptuous (free) meals!!!
• Three new gadgets that keep me pretty occupied - Lumix Panasonic Semipro camera, iPad and iPod Touch! Ok the first was bought end of Nov. by myself , the icing of the cake must be the iPad - a birthday present from dad and mom that arrived 10 days before my actual birthday, and finally days before Christmas, got the new generation iPod Touch by a generous friend - a real nice surprise!
• My birthday new haircut - made up my mind to chop off the hair to a short bob, and did it on the day itself! Feel fresh and had quite a lot of positive feedback. Well, a change after 4 years or so of long hair!
• Birthday dinner with parents @ Hakka Republic and visited SkyBar - first time for all of us.
• Watched `Follow the Light' with friends - and after, the cast to sang happy birthday song - very nice harmony - to me! Also watched `Celebrations' by PAN production and caught up with some friends.
• Work wise - two interesting interviews - 1. with four talented performing artistes (my recorder failed me but thanksfully could be salvaged!), and 2. with YB Teresa Kok in Shah Alam.
• A busy Christmas week and weekend which involved 3 rehearsals (didn't make one cos zonked out!), leading songs for 3 services - Christmas and Sunday service on Boxing Day.
• Three dinner parties over Christmas and Boxing day - the annual Christmas party with the Boeys, my CG Christmas Party and the worship ministry Thanksgiving dinner - had to split myself for the latter two. All were really fun!
• On new year's eve, had a wonderful excursion to Bentong Farm Sanctuary - an animal haven that had so many dogs able to roam and run freely in the vast nature land.. also visited Bentong town and had nice lunch and ice-cream. (this event deserves a blog post to itself)

Of course, the above were just some highlights that came to mind.. there were many other interesting things that happened and December was definitely an eventful and exciting month..

And I'm really looking forward to the first few months of 2011 with some exciting plans installed.. details later (so I have the reasons to carry on blogging..)

Well, for a bigger picture, I have always at this time of the year, do a reflection of sort and then set out my new year resolutions.. but strangely, for some reasons unknown, I have not even given it any thoughts so I guess I won't be blogging on them as well..

Or maybe I'm just slow.. as it still hasn't sunk in that we're in 2011 already!

Having said that.. I still believe it's good to have some kind of `wish' or `direction' or whatever you choose to call it for a fresh new year, so that you start the year with a right set of mind to want to improve yourself.

So, besides the list of unwritten down resolutions which I already know I should do. ie. exercise regularly, sleep earlier, do regular quiet time (yes all these I endeavour to do) more importantly, I want to just remember this `principle' every minute, every day in 2011:

To glorify God by doing the best in whatever I am to do, and to be the `salt and light' that He calls us to be - ie. making a difference in the lives of people.

And I will say `Amen' to it. :)

Ah! Beautiful Morning...

It's right that they say morning is the most beautiful time of the day.

If a day is a year - I would say early morning is like fresh spring time, afternoon is well, hot summer, evenings signifying the sombre autumn and the night is gloomy winter.

How interesting - as this obvious simile just dawned on me..

Why? Because I just rediscovered the beauty and preciousness of mornings - that had eluded me for far too long.

I am a self-confessed `owl' - meaning I thrive and live my day to the wee hours of the morning. Since my last posting was with an afternoon paper and doing entertainment, my work-hours were so flexible that I used to wake up close to noon, grab lunch and only enter office - since my editor did that himself! I would work till around dinner time or later.. went home and slept only about 3am.

And then, since I became a freelance writer, my sleeping hours became even more ridiculous. I blamed the Internet for such a habit at first and then, my cousin who is an even chronic owl herself told me about DSPS (Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome) so we both have a valid `medical' reason to justify our indulgence and lack of discipline.. and just blame it on having a `sleep disorder syndrome' that we had no control of..

Not that I am proud of it and in fact many times, I've mentally taken note to want to change and adjust this habit. I posted on FB and G-chat status that Ee-Tan wants to `kill the owl' But alas, the spirit is willing but the flesh is week. I continue to let myself be consumed by this so called DSPS and it came to a stage so bad that I was sleeping at close to 5am every day and wake up after 1pm!!

My day started only after 2pm and many times, I could not do the things I wanted to do because evening and nights also have their distractions.. I found myself not being productive and fruitful in my work. And then a few times I fell ill because of that - ie. after World Cup and also before my prolong flu from Shanghai.

Another area that took a toll from my sleeping habit was the quiet time and devotion with God. It's true that morning is the best time for devotions as I personally have experienced and agree. But during morning, I was in slumber land. When I got up, I quickly checked my emails/FB and then lunch and usually out after that. I was either watching Astro on Demand or glued to the PC and by the time I realised I had to sleep, it's like 4am plus? I was already too tired and felt it's too late to speak to God!!

But God is good! He pulled me back in time.. last week, I began to feel the stress from work - as I have quite a lot of on-going as well as new workload to keep me occupied. But because of my sleeping hours and also still trying to watch Astro and do many things, I couldn't get enough sleep. Instead of waking up after 1pm, I woke up earlier and could not sleep again.. That means I only had like 5-6 hours of sleep which was not enough for me (i'm one of those who need 8 optimum hours of sleep). The patterned continue for a few days until I decided to see my doctor for help and medication.

I already was exhausted in the last few days so I took the medication earlier (ie before midnight) And somehow automatically wake up earlier. Of course it took a few days to adjust.. Finally this morning, I woke up at 7:30am (thanks to puppy Jam), laid in bed a bit, and got ready by 8am. The birds were chirping still and the weather was good. Suddenly God prompted me to do my devotion.. and ya, it's the perfect timing!

So i took my Bible and some Bible reading aids and sat at our front patio, which Dad calls` JJ Corner' (not should be JJJ!) I prayed, sang some songs of praises and read 2 Corinthian 1. I haven't felt so close to God for ages.. even if I was in church service or leading songs on stage. There was a personal connection with Him and my soul felt lifted. Oh the joy of reading and meditating on His Word!

It was 8:30am or so when I had breakfast.. and I hadn't had breakfast except a rushed one on Sunday late morning before going to church. I practice my singing as I have vocal class at 2pn today, and then proceeded to the Internet to do the necessary things - work related mainly.

Now, it's almost noon and I had done so much already... I couldn't believe I still have more than half a day (of sunlight) ahead of me!! And I even wrote such a long blog entry! And imagine I have wasted all the mornings in my working adult life!!!?

I know it's not easy to change.. old habits die hard and maybe DSPS is true though most people don't buy it. But this vicious cycle has to be broken, once and for all.. These few days since I still have the medication to help me sleep well, I think I must aim to be in bed by midnight so that I have enough sleep and would get up in the morning!! And hopefully later I will adjust to live a `normal' life!

All I need is determination and discipline.. And I pray that God will give me the strength to do it.

Mornings are too beautiful and precious to waste away... where as the dark and quiet night (wee hours pre-morning) are best for slumbering anyway..

Yes, I finally see the light, and I want to see many many more beautiful mornings

Has it been FOUR years??

Four years.. I've been a freelance writer for four years already!! Gosh, how time has flown by!

From a reminder from this post, Oct 27, 2006 was my last day with the newspaper company that I had worked for more than 12 years. Actually when I left I never thought of going freelance, and never thought I would be doing it for this long.. I thought of just taking a break and find something else to do - most likely joining another publication full-time.

Not long after that, I was asked to contribute some articles for a couple of newspapers..So gradually, I drifted into doing freelance writing work. More opportunities came by and soon I was making quite a decent income. There had been a couple of times when I wanted to go back into full-time employment.. by somehow they just didn't work out at the end! It was as if I was led by God's invisible hand to do what I love to do..

Of course this `career' is quite unstable and I can tell you that throughout these four years, there had been so many changes and challenges. For instance, I was quite happy in 2007-2008 as I got to contribute regular to about 4-5 publications. But due to the set back in economy and various reasons.. I lost all these jobs one by one and had to pro-actively look for more jobs.

In the last one to two years, I have diversified to doing copywriting and translation work. They are quite tedious and can be boring but to be honest, they pay better than editorial work. THe set back however is that I feel my creative writing has become stale because I don't get to write free flow articles like I used to. It's quite frustrating but the fact is, it's not so easy to break into editorial features as many newspapers and magazines have enough writers already..

But thankfully, I still have a few platforms where I can contribute such articles.. though they really can't become my bread and butter..

As recent as just two months back, I thought I would be bidding goodbye to my free lifestyle as I verbally agreed to take up a full-time job as an editor of a yet-to-be-launched magazine. I was supposed to start work in October. But then I was having second thoughts and after a discussion with my dad, I turned it down. Why? Well, it's a long story - the job looked quite uncertain and potentially very stressful and even risky. But I guess at the back of my mind, I still could not give up the `luxury' of a freelance lifestyle that I've so accustomed to!

But God is good! He has provided me with quite a lot of work since - and many are new ones! :) In fact, I still have a few deadlines looming very soon right now.

Yes, I would say I really have enjoyed my years as a journalist with the newspaper - I've learned so much and got to go many places and meet many people. And it's my dream job anyway since I was in my teen. But again, if you ask me, I have never regretted a bit quitting my job four years ago. It's a welcome change. Despite its ups and downs, I wouldn't trade anything for this freelance writing `career' (if you could call it that!)

So here's wishing a `Happy Fourth Anniversary' to my freelancing career!! May there be many more (lucrative and fruitful) years to come! :D

Pondering a `Cross-road'?

Somehow, I feel my life is at some kind of `crossroad' lately..

Perhaps it's to do with work and income - or the lack of it; a small part to do with the end of a relationship; and as a result the roaming of the mind thinking of unfulfilled dreams and aspirations - career, personal, spiritual... and then wondering as we're in the eighth month of 2010 and where my future lies..

I feel kinda lost sometimes.. :(

Yes, I know I am blessed. I don't have to worry about many things. I get to enjoy life as many see it - to pursue my interests, to have freedom to relax while many slog at work, and also hold a `job' that I love.. On top of that, I have God, a loving family, many friends.. so what else do I lack?

Well, blame my personality.... While I know and I'm independent, capable, confident in carrying out whatever I believe I could do, another part of me that I somehow feel I lack control of - I lack motivation, drive, discipline and worst of all self-control... to certain extent.

Ok, so last year I achieved something I am proud of - that that took lots of motivation, drive, discipline and self-control. I managed to lose significant amount of weight and `revamp' my appearance so to speak. But now I'm wondering why I can't translate that to other facets of my life - ie. my career, my ministries in God's kingdom, and general self-improvement which I am so far behind..

By self improvement, I mean things like reading to enhance my knowledge - articles and columns, news, books (i mean even frivolous books I hardly bother to read) but rather, I have been `wasting' too much time on things like Facebook (but thankfully I cut off the games addiction), watching HK series and God knows what else.. And what about the daily devotion time - reading the Bible, praying and meditating, which I so desired to do? Then there's exercise.. I regret to say since CNY, my fitness regime has totally gone down the drain..

It's not like I have been idle either. Just that for about 3-4 months this year, I have channeled my energy/time to something that unfortunately did not work-out.. to put it simply. I guess it's part and parcel of life experience and I'm still gradually picking up the pieces in a way, though life goes on as normal...

And now, after the `extended holiday' of family reunion etc.. and all is back to track, I'm faced with certain dilemmas. Firstly, work wise, what I thought was looking positive one to two months back unfortunately saw changes and I'm losing a current regular contribution as well as a couple of promising prospects. Other works are at best quarterly contribution and others adhoc. It makes me think.. could this be a `sign' that I might want to rethink of my career path? The thing is, I still love writing. In fact, the journalist in me would keep in view of interesting people/places I go.. It's nothing more satisfying to see your writing in print. But these days, I am not doing so much of `original' writing but many compiling, interviews that do not really test my writing skills (so maybe it's good to blog more regularly just to hone the skills.)

What about back to full-time work? I've been asked and my answer is still the same. Unless there's a job that offers equally great challenges, work satisfaction and remuneration, then I would consider.. So far, I have yet to find one and to be honest, it's hard for me to leave the freelancing lifestyle and freedom! If so, I have push myself more and also trust God to provide me with more work as a freelancer.

Spiritually, I know I have been quite `dry' in my walk but all the while from the people and places I go, I'm reminded again and again of His faithfulness. So I guess I should consciously live and commit myself and my life to the Lord daily and I believe He would guide. There is a nagging voice that still prompts me now and again to heed His calling and less of my own selfish desires..

Which brings me to this personal dream that I have been harbouring for some two years now. It's always been my dream to go to Italy, ever since a short visit after graduation. I love the country and felt so at home even though I didn't speak a word of Italian then.. Because of my vocal training, I started singing Italian arias.. Then the passion rekindled and I took up Italian lesson beginning of last year, which I enjoyed a lot. With the influence and encouragement of my first teacher, I really wanted to go to Italy - not just for a short vacation but to stay there for at least 2 months or so to study singing and language. Of course, the main factor would be financial. It's not easy to get sponsorship due to my age :( and that means I need to fork out quite a huge sum. But now that I have some contacts with my three Italian teachers who could help me in certain ways, it's a `dream' that can come true.. and in fact, I'm seriously considering and planning to go there in September 2011.

I'm praying for God's blessings in this plan of mine too...

So in the mean time, I know need more motivation, drive, discipline and self-control... to do what I should do.. no use feeling `sorry' for the inadequacy..

And I know, I am not lost really. And even if I'm at a crossroad - I should be reminded that His Cross would lead me onwards..

My year in review..

TIME FLIES..!! I mean, 2009 really really has flown by in a wink!

I just can't believe we're now in the last day of of the year.. Tomorrow it's a brand new year - and a brand new decade - if you have celebrated year 2000 as the turn of the millenium!

As with the custom since I started blogging in mid 2005 (gosh, has it been more than 4 1/2 years already?), albeit having really slowed down in the last few months, I don't want to miss out writing this `momentus' year-end post that includes both reflection of the year that has been, as well as setting `resolutions' for the coming year..

Ahh... resolutions! The big `R' word which many has a love-hate relationship with - and yours truly is one who believes in setting resolutions yet always almost never achieve most of them! Having said that, it is important I feel to have new goals for the new year, and also re-examine old ones that one has not realised - and try to make them work again!

Ok.. besides turning the Big 4-0 in the middle of this month, I shall recap of the significant events and things that have happened in 2009 - not a top 10 news of the world thing, but what has happened in my life - of course, this is my personal blog! ;)

1. Grandma passes away at 90, just after CNY after deteriorating condition of suffering a stroke for 10 years. We were sad but of course her death was not unpredicted. In fact, it was a relief for her as well as for us.. she was already in semi-conscious state and before that totally bedridden for a year plus.. She could even hardly spoke for some time already. There was no quality of life. The extended family, relatives and close friends turned out in full to pay her last respect. RIP Ah Nei - I still miss you..

2. The set-up of my SoHo/ home office - complete with new furniture and paint, and got my first iMac! That idea has been brewing in dad's mind for some time but due to lack of proper room space it was not done. But since grandma's passing, the room downstairs has been vacant so it seems a good idea to turn it into my `home office' - since I mostly work from home as a freelance writer, and working from my bedroom was not really conducive. That explained why I frequented Starbucks for a while! The conversion was an easy process and not expensive too - and by August, I had a proper SoHo to work in - and even got a new iMac which I heart!! Ya, now I always work (and play) in my private SoHo :p

3. I sat for my first vocal examination in June. After taking up personal vocal lesson proper (the ones I took in the past were infrequent and group classes) since November 07, I took the plunge and sat for the First Concert Certificate exam which required me to sing 4 songs by heart! It was a pretty nerve-wracking experience as my legs actually trembled singing in front of the examiner! Being pushed by my teacher, I was aiming high - but was quite relief to get a Merit and not less.. (Distinction would be great but oh well..) And with the exam preparation, I felt my singing has improved quite a lot this year!

4. I took up Italian lesson since beginning of this year.. but progress has been slow. Found my tutor Giovanna online and enjoyed learning.. however, the language is so tough and my brain matter (ie memory) is getting so much weaker these days.. I won't say it's a waste of money although I can hardly master much of the language after a year.. and she's leaving for Rome so I am not sure of the continuation.. :(

5. I was blessed to be able to travel to a few interesting places this year - some of which I didn't even blog about like my Shanghai trip in October - which I really had fun! We went on a family holiday to the scenic Wuyishan in Fujian, China - my parents, my sis and me like old time :). The following month, we did our annual `pilgrimage' to Hong Kong to visit sis family - particularly the three kids! It also turned out to be a shopping spree for I had lost some weight then (read more about my weight-loss achievement below) In July, I had my first World Rianforest Festival experience in the cultural village of Sarawak - which turned out to be pretty `memorable' for some wrong reasons! And then finally in mid October, I went to Shanghai by myself and was the guest of my Malaysian friend who lives temporarily. She drew up a concise itinerary for me and we did so much in a week - food and shopping being the highlight. I LOVE the cosmopolitan of Shanghai and want to go back again.. But alas, my blogging momentum took a dip after that so I didn't blog at all - it would have been a super-long post! However, photos that speak a thousand words can be seen in my Facebook album.

6. Ok, regarding my work.. hmmm.. what can I say? It has been VERY different from the last two years of being a freelancer. Oh ya, as of November this year I have been on my own for THREE whole years already and with God's blessing, i'm still at it. But now I'm doing only half editorial work and the rest is corporate/other forms of writing and translations. But for the first 2 1/2 months of this year, I was attached to GardnerAndWife Theatre and was helping them to write press releases and publicity materials that led up to their first production of the year - Wicked Wizard. That was quite an interesting jobe experience. But even if translation work pay prompt and copywriting pay more, my first love is still writing feature articles for papers and magazines and I pray I can still be doing that in 2010!

7. Some of my church friends had been battling the `big C' this year. An dear faithful servant, an auntie from church at just 60, has passed away in November while there were many new cases - including a close friend who was detected with stage 4 lung cancer which doctor and was only gave her months to live. However, her strong faith in God had seen her battling with medical means and prayers, and we were so glad that God had worked a miracle in her body and life - that her tumour has reduced and all cancerous spots were cleared from other parts of her body! It also spurred her to become an avid blogger who regularly updates her spiritual blog here. Now we are praying and ministering to another brother whose condition has worsened lately..

8. Farewell CCF. Ironically just 3 months after the nostalgic and wonderful CCF Alumni camp, the church's peer group fellowship that I've been a part of since 1994 has disbanded after being there since 1991. It has seen the coming and going and of course staying-on of many young adults over the years and has built up strong friendship as well as Christian foundations in many lives.. It was kinda sad but from its condition in the last two years, we know we need to move on. So since middle of this year, I have joined a home/cell group and also enjoying new fellowship with more mature friends and studying the Word together..

9. Woe to the Net addict. Sigh.. although I posted that in February, my addiction on the Internet had gone from bad to worse.. i think! Ok, maybe it had `maintained' since I also spend some time watching HK drama series on Astro. My work also demands the heavy usage of email and google and other Internet tools, and on top of that, I have somehow succumbed to the temptations of the many Facebook games - the ones I'm current playing actively are (ok, hold your breath!) Sorority Life, Cafe World, Petville, Pet Society, Word Twist and Restaurant City (RC not so frequent). This is on top of managing and sending messages, checking friends messages and status and all other 1001 things Facebook offers!! I'm a real Junkie but on the plus side, FB has helped me in my work too!

10. Last but not least.. if I have only been given one thing that is significant to review this year, it would be this: Since February till September - I have successfully shed off 15kg of weight - that's like 5 1/2 inches off my waist (no need to go into details of the other vital statistics). And the good news is, I have maintained that weight in the last three months - without having to go on a diet anymore.. It has been so obvious that so many people whom knew me before had commented - and then it has come to this stage that I had to get rid of almost all my old clothes! Especially jeans and pants.. and also most dresses, shirts and blouses!! No wonder I have been spending a lot - cos I had been shopping locally, in Hong Kong and also Shanghai for new clothes and now I decided also to alter some of the old ones that I like.. So how did I do this? Of course some of my friends would have known already.. but since there are lots to tell, I shall follow by another post soon in the future - dedicated to this `Big Loser' lol - and also with photos of `before and after' to show!

So you had my top 10 list of 2009. My next post that hopefully I would write later today.. or on Jan 1, will be my aspirations and plans. I shall not use the word resolutions anymore - for the year 2010.

Ya, it has been an eventful and unforgettable year.. And it's kinda hard to say goodbye.. to 2009..! :(

Bye-bye 2008!

In just a few hours time, 2008 will be history!

I've been so busy in the last week that I haven't had time to even ponder on the year that is to be, and make resolutions for the new year. Let alone having time to post a year-ender which i really wanted to do!

In a while, I will be going out with my sis and nephew - to be a reveller in the heart of town for new year's countdown! This is definitely not the norm.. I haven't been out there partying on New Year eve for so long! Rather I chose to attend my church's watch night service where individuals would share of their testimonies in the year and giving glory to God.. I find it more meaningful to usher in the new year in the presence of God and his people..

But today, it will be different - because my sister is back from Hong Kong and she and the kids usually are not back at this time of the year. Since my eldest nephew requested to go out for `count down' and fireworks (and he has never been in HK) I thought why not since it will be those `once in a blue moon' thing for us anyway.

So the plan is, dad will drop us off near Sentral monorail station where we would take the train to Bukit Bintang! I missed the Xmas decor at Pavillion last year and I don't want to miss it agian this time round.. so tonight is going to be my last chance.. and would be nice since sis wants to see Bintang Walk at night. Ya, she's quite like a tourist than a true-blue Malaysian! :p

As the fireworks will be over at KLCC, we will try to see if we could take the train over there for the countdown.. really, everything will be played by ears! Just hope we won't suffer too badly with the revellers and crowds!!

So..what are some year-end thoughts? One thing which I find it so `scary' is how fast time flies by these days. Especially this year - 2008 just went by with a blink of the eye. I don't know if it's to do with getting older I no longer look forward to the new year. Rather, if I have a choice, I want time to stand still for at least a while..

Compared to 2007, I think 2008 is quite eventful in every aspect of my life. Work has steadily picked up and by middle of the year, I was quite happy that I had enough regular works to keep me going. Unfortunately in the last quarter, things had taken a change - I don't know if it has to do with the economy down-turn but I've so many lost opportunities, so much so that I was beginning to get a bit worried on how I'll survive this year.

But God is good. After some rather relaxing `break' recently, I had stumbled upon something new and challenging for at least the first half of next year. For the last two years since I quit full-time journalism, I have been writing for publications as my main bread and butter. I've hope to branch out to other forms of writing and now, I can say that I'm given the opportunity. It's to do with something I have a great passion for - but I'm still a freelancer and this is of a part-time basis. At this moment, I won't reveal too much..

But I'm quite excited about as well as some of the on going work.. though I've met some hiccups in the last two months as far as writing is concerned, which even made me doubt whether I'm suited to be doing this..

2008 was also quite a fruitful year for travelling.. although I did not make it again to go to the U.S. as I wished to from last year. In May, our family went to Zhuhai, China and then Hong Kong to celebrate my parents' 40th wedding anniversary. I went to Krabi for a seaside escape in July but the highlight must be the short-term mission exposure trip to Yunnan with my church in September. Indeed, that one week opened up both my physical and spiritual eyes to so many things.. It was a memorable trip that is also paving ways for more opportunities in the missions field.

On the resolutions side.. I think I did not deliberately make any resolutions for 2008 based on past failed experiences. But there were a few areas which I wanted improvement in, and these are like the perpectual resolutions since eons ago. And yes, again I failed miserably - especially in terms of losing weight/diet, exercise and sleeping earlier.. In fact, some of them went from bad to worse!! This over-weight-internet-addict-OWL can't change!! :((

I don't know how determined I would be in 2009 but I don't think and seriously hope things won't get worse.. In fact, I should buck up and live a healthier life before I hit the big 4-0!

So ya, not much serious thoughts and reflections for this year end - in particually today. And the next post will be next year..

Happy New Year 2009 everyone! May God bless...

Time to take action

It's been a week since I got back from my holiday..

It has been quite `happening' - got sick, interviewed 3 women and chased two deadlines (one still working on), birthday dinner, `reunion dinner' with friends, watched a musical, many Starbucks sessions.... Definitely there were some noteworthy topics and events to blog about. Only problem is, I feel no inspirations..

In fact, I am tempted to even take a hiatus from blogging... although I don't know how long it will last..

Today, I caught up with a good friend who I've not seen for a few years as she is furthering her studies in U.S. We talked about many things.. her life, our views on certain things and on our spiritual walk.. Then it jolted me how slack I've been in my personal devotion. Not that I don't know but I think now I really want to do something about it.

And I know the no. 1 `enemy' that takes my time away from more important and meaningful things to do (ie. devotion, reading and others..) is my time on the Internet!

This is nothing new of course. For I am a self-confessed Internet addict. But may be it's time to really do something about it.

No, I'm not saying I'm going to go `cold turkey' (like how one quits smoking!) for I still need the Internet for work and correspondence of course.. Just that I think I will make a conscious effort to prioritize my free time - and keep `leisure Internet activities' ie. reading blogs, blogging, Facebooking, chatting etc... to just a limited time and only AFTER I've done the more important things..

Just imagine, I haven't completed reading a book since the Harry Potter last year. I could spend some time playing the piano, doing a bit more exercise, or even watching the DVDs I bought two years ago!! (ok, the latter not significant but u know what i mean..) :((

I know some of you who know will probably snigger at my (futile) attempt yet again. But hey, success sometimes only come after a few times of failure..

So yes, I'm now announcing officially that I'll only blog as and when, and I will cut down on other Internet activities. But I hope my regular readers (if there are any) will understand and still come back to check this site once in a while.

And perhaps, by then, there will be some interesting things to read.

Tata for now..

A RESOLUTE 2008

Noticed I didn't put `resolutions' in my title, but I'm resolute to want to have a better and more fruitful year 2008, compared to a fun but cushy year that's just about to pass in hours.

Had been speaking to some friends about how I felt of my `under-achievement' in 2007, and the confessions of how much time I've wasted on Facebook and also how terribly I have been taking care of my personal finance.. among other disgruntles!

I'm glad to get some useful tips and sound advice as to how I could work towards the resolutions I wanted to set for myself in the new year. Actually my NY resolutions have not been much different at all in the last decade I would say.. or even beyond! Which means something is not right because I never really achieved them.. I could not set more ambitious resolutions because I'm still stuck with the same ones that I'm struggling to achieve.

Take for eg. my owl-like sleeping habit. Or the perennial `favourite' - to diet and lose weight. Of course there are many more pertaining to my career, finance, personal and spiritual life.. And there is no improvement - maybe the other way round - of my status today compared to say 5 years ago.

Which brings me back to my resolute action plan that I'm going to lay out today - on the last day of 2007. I will analyse what went wrong in the specific areas, and then will draw up an action plan. I'm even going as far as to draw up a `daily schedule' out for myself to adhere to - maybe not in the strict sense but at least I'm following a general framework. Being a freelance writer, I have way too much freedom to the extent of me abusing and wasting precious time.. So that's something that I need to set right.

And I will do all these not online but on ink and paper. For I already am spending too much time on the Internet.

My action plan will include these few categories:

• Daily lifestyle - working time, time spent in devotion, leisure time (including Internet time!) and bed time
• Work - to record the amount of work and payment as well as to seek for more if needed
• Finance - to record daily expenditure and to cut down on unnecessary spendings
• Exercise - to allocate 2-3 times a week to go to gym
• Diet - to not be greedy and over-eat and cut down on sugar and oil and fat
• Spiritual - to start a spiritual journal, continue reading One-Year-Bible and daily devotion
• Ministries - to be involved and be committed in 2 main ministries

Other personal betterment is a little more intangible - basically it involves developing the Fruit of the Spirit as written in Galatians 5:22, especially in the `patience' and `self-control' departments.

Gosh, this looks like the most ambitious New Year `resolutions' I've ever set out to do. So much to write down! Now I can make use of the many unused diaries and notebooks over the years! In the past, I have only listed out what I want to achieve but have never really thought of HOW to achieve it. With my action plan in place, hopefully it makes it easier to work towards the goal. Writing all the bits and pieces down in black&white is basically to make it more structural and clear so that I have something to start with.. and hopefully will be resolute enough to carry it through..

And it all boils down to one word: RESOLUTENESS. And to think that I've always taken the word `resolution' too lightly. It's time to buck up and change.

Saying bye to a happy but unfruitful 2007

Yes, it's the time of the year to ponder back and reflect or what I've accomplished in the 365 days of a year that is soon to pass.. and make (realistic) resolutions for the new year.

To be honest, 2007 has been a cushy year of indulgence and comfort - in almost every aspect of my life. And to be honest, I'm not proud of it.. it's almost like `the year off'. Lets just break it down and see..

Work
It's the year when I have tried my hands in a freelance writing career and had experienced the pros and cons of it. The pros would have outweighed the cons if I was more industrious, hardworking and disciplined. But I have been just too nice to myself - although I did try to seek new jobs, I wasn't ambitious enough to really push myself to the limit. I have as much free time (or may be more) than that I'm occupied by work. Because of the longer deadline period with magazines, I've allowed myself to work at a more relaxed pace compared to how I was working while attached with the newspaper.
One of the newspapers I've been contributing quite regularly with had `dropped' me unofficially since beginning of September. But at the same time, I have been contributing to a couple of new magazines. At the moment, I'm a regular contributor to five publications and hopefully as promised with one or two more to come in the new year..
It may sound pretty good but the truth is, the remunerations are quite meagre due to not much output (one article for most of the magazines a month). Which leads to my next grouse..

Personal Finance
In all my working life, although I've not been able to save from my regular salaries, I usually managed to cover my expenses. But no longer this year. As I exhausted all the payment from my previous company, I realised that my expenses far exceeded my earnings! I KNEW I was earning less, and I've tried to cut down in my spending.. But it was not easy as I could not change my lifestyle overnight... so even with some cutting down such as not eating out so much, I needed help in my finance.. and thank God my parents are great financial planners and had helped me in some investment and financial planning. So without going into details that are a tad bit confidential, just say I've been paying off my credit card debts not from my own earnings but from other financial source. Sigh.. I'm quite sad and ashamed of my financial status.. :(

Spiritual Life
One of the advantages I thought of when deciding to be a freelance writer was that I could have more time to serve God. But did I do that? To be honest, there wasn't any difference in my ministries for God. In fact, I had even taken a break from worship leading from January to September as I was planning to be involved in Missions. But alas, that didn't materialise and I ended up only resuming my leadership role in my peer group - while I could have devoted more of my time in some other ministries..
As far as personal devotion is concerned, I also failed. So I managed to read the `One Year Bible' daily until July - but to be honest, it was just reading and not really studying nor meditating.. Then when I got engrossed with `Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallow' and missed a few days of it, I was too unmotivated to catch up again, especially as I was reaching the more tedious books in the Old Testament.
So the second half of the year was a spiritually dried one although i still appeared `active' in church. I barely even read the Bible and also found myself praying less... even when I prayed it was to heed some prayer requests of friends or I desperately needed God's help.

Fitness and Diet
End of last year I signed up personal training in my gym and even extended the sessions. So I was quite regular working out for some months. But since the personal training ended, my gym sessions also became more irregular. It gotten worse during the end of the year. In November I only went twice and this month only ONCE. And no I don't exercise outside gym at all..
As far as eating is concerned, I've not even tried to diet at all! The year started with a `eat everything but in moderation' principle but soon it regressed into just eat anything, and any amount too! Yes, I've been pretty much a glutton for this year esepecially the last few months. My one-week trip to Hong Kong also saw me put on quite a bit of weight. A few honest friends commented that I've put on weight and I knew that cos my clothes don't lie!

Relationships
No, I don't mean romance here.. well, because there was zero! I'm referring to my relationship swith family and friends in general.. And maybe in this aspect, I have not done too badly. Because of the flexible time and freedom my work enjoys, I had the chances to spend more time with my parents, especially my dad (only because my mom is so busy with her own programs) And I feel blessed that I'm able to do that and even dad has said so.. He is supportive of my choice of career as I think he also enjoys my company. As for friends, although my social life has not really improved a lot but I also had some time to spend with some friends, a bit more than when I was fully employed. And also get to know some friends better.

Pastimes and Hobbies
For those who know me, I have basically only ONE main pastime: the Internet (what else?) I don't watch much television, don't read much, and even not listening to that much music - except if in the car. There's just too much for me to do on the Net - emails, blogs, surf websites and in the last half a year - Facebook! I know, I am nearing addictive level but it's so hard to tear myself away from my computer screen when I'm at home.
This year I've been taking singing a bit more seriously. I rejoined the church choir in April and when our small group vocal class ended, I decided to learn singing in an individual class, weekly basis.

Sleeping Habit
My owl-like sleeping hours are nothing new.. have even blooged on it a few times. Since I don't need to get up for work, and unless there are (rare) morning assignments, I normally sleep from 4am to 11am-12pm. Yep, that's my terrible sleeping pattern..

Travel
I'm blessed that even though strictly speaking my earnings would not give me the privilege to go for holiday overseas, but I did, albeit in the region only. In January (where I still had quite a bit of money) I finally went to Bali. In July to Bangkok and in August, to Bali again with parents this time. And finally in November, my yearly trip to Hong Kong to visit my sis and family as well as to catch up with old friends.

Round-up
So it has not been a year where I have accomplished much at all. Yes, it was a good year in the sense that I felt happier and free.. basically enjoying myself most of the time. However, like what I said in the beginning, I have allowed myself to take things rather easily and just enjoyed the freedom that I had. It doesn't sound like anything wrong but I still feel there should be a limit. And I really need to discipline myself and make a plan to achieve something more meaningful and fruitful in the new year..

coming: my new-year resolutions and action plan in the next post..

Advent's Thoughts..

Today is the first Sunday of Advent.. Yes, we're into the Christmas seasons!

Not that it needs any reminding. Shopping malls have already hyped it up with fancy decorations and blasting carols in the air.. commercial Christmas is something so BIG that you can't avoid it..

December is also the start of a ultra-busy month - at church and even in the social calendar. Christmas shopping, buying gifts, decorating Christmas Tree, cooking and feasting.. Then in church, we're busy with programs for worship services, carolling, music and drama.. etc etc.. I can see this happening in my own church..we are having many programs including evangelistic Christmas services, which is great to spread the Gospel massage to others.

But sometimes I wonder whether we have become so caught up in the events surrounding Christmas that they overshadow the real purpose of Christmas. Are we so busy in organising a birthday party - to make it exciting and grand for the guests that we neglect the birthday boy?

There needs to be a balance drawn.. though it's not easy. For we are influenced by the world, and the expectations of people. I can't help but be cynical at times. Yes, Christmas is the time of `giving and sharing', but it becomes so cliche these days. Christmas always has that nice warm and fuzzy feelings attached, it is the perfect excuse to have a good time.. And thus we enjoy our Christmas trees, carols and shopping and admiring beautiful Christmas decorations in the malls.. I am guilty of this too..

No, I'm not the Grinch nor am I anti-Christmas.

But perhaps, for those of us who know the true meaning of Christmas, it's a time that we can pause, pray and ponder. And ask our Lord how He would like us to commemorate His birth... rather than again, getting carried away and let this Christmas pass by as just another holiday season..

1st Anniversary of My `New Life'

Amidst the busyness, I suddenly remembered that it's been ONE YEAR..!

Yes, it was exactly one year ago since I quit (although I already resigned two months earlier) from a newspaper company that I've worked with for 12 years. And it has been a year since I have been `free' and on my own - working as a freelance writer.

If I thought time passed fast while going through the routine while employed with a company, time flew by equally if not faster when I worked as a freelance as well.

Well, when I quit I didn't have any concrete plans as to what I was going to do. Actually I thought of just taking a break for a couple of months and then will `look-see' around for a new job.. and in between perhaps I would do a bit of freelance writing..

The thing was shortly after I quit, I had a few odd jobs here and there.. by then I was verbally offered a job which eventually did not materialise and it was around after CNY which I decided to stick on and be a freelance writer and to also write my book. Alas, the book-writing plan did not go very far as I became more and more busy with writing assignments.

And then sometime in the middle of the year, I was beginning to struggle over a decision I (thought I had) earlier made.. but thank God I managed to cross the cross road and even as another potential job offer fizzled out, I wasn't upset because I knew He knows best.. and yeah, since then on, my freelance work has increased in volume and also in remuneration although it wasn't much.. But again, I wasn't working exactly that same hours I did while in full-time employment.

Lets see, so far I have been writing stories on Chinese entertainment, fashion, beauty, social issues, personality interviews and a wide variety of lifestyle-related topics. Oh, and not forgetting the recent bridal shoot co-ordinating and writing that is so demanding and in a way I feel more like a wardrobe mistress than a writer.. but a totally whole new thing. That's definitely a much wider scope of writing compared to what I was doing as an entertainment journalist. And my articles have so far appeared in newspaper and various magazines (won't name them here.. :p)

Many people (especially journalists/writers) have asked me how it's like being a freelancer. Well, I have to be honest to give an accurate picture. First and foremost, the greatest part is of course the flexibility and freedom you get. Also, as a freelance writer, you have greater exposure and get to work on a variety of stuff.. and of course, you get to choose who and what you want to work for too (if you're not desperate for money) But on the other hand, the money isn't great to start with.. and you need much motivation and discipline in order to get steady work and income.

For me personally, too much freedom may not be a good thing.. already quite used to an owl-like lifestyle, having no regular work-hour meaning it's even harder to curb and let this habit go on..! Gosh i did a search and in this blog there're close to 10 posts about my owl-like sleeping habit..

Well, I don't know what will happen in the future.. and whether I'll be marking my 2nd year as a freelancer, or as God wills, go back to full-time employment. But at the moment, I am getting more and some new work assignments and I'm really not very ready to give up all this although for the pragmatic, it lacks stability and other job benefits eg medical etc..

I'm grateful for this whole new experience.. In fact, just a few years back, being a freelance writer was something I hoped to be doing. And I've now achieved that so to speak.. And I never had a tinge of regret leaving the company a year ago (although I heard there had been salary increase etc..)

So, I look forward to more interesting freelance work to come in the new year... :)