Just ONE specific resolution but but there are some plans and wishes

Since I promised at my `year in review' post that I'll talk a bit about my aspirations and resolutions for 2010, so here I am although I don't feel so inspired to write about it as I did for that post!

You know, I always believe in setting resolutions for a new year.. although I always wrestle with them as well. And so in the last four years that I blogged, I have dedicated a `resolution post' marking a new year here, here, here and here. However for 2009 I realised I didn't really write much about any resolution.. could it be because of that I have not really achieved anything significant - albeit it was an eventful year! ?

And if you read these year-end/beginning post on resolutions, you'd realise there were some similar patterns.. I could easily take the resolutions for 2008 and `rehash' them for 2010.. because honestly I haven't achieved almost all of them saved the `diet and slimming' bit. And really they are all important too.

But today after chatting online with a friend, I was inspired to not be `greedy' and focus on just ONE resolution that I really feel is vital for me to want to fulfill. And somehow I believe if I could realise this resolution, my other sub-resolutions from years back could gradually fall into place..

And I'm dedicating and committing this resolution to God Himself.. for I know if I do it, He would be pleased and my Christian walk would be even more fulfilling. Actually it's a basic prerequisite of living a Christian life which I have failed so badly all the time especially in the last year!

So my one only resolution which I am putting down in black&white to remind myself is:

To have my daily devotion with the Lord - i.e. setting apart 15 mins or so (can be more) to read and meditate on Scripture, to pray and to listen upon the Lord.

Only 15 mins a day, and you would wonder how difficult that could be?! Sigh. because of my lack of discipline and self-control, I'm always being distracted by other things esp. the Internet! And doing my Q.T. (quiet time) has sadly been neglected and even forgotten at some stage!

If you're not a Christian, let me explain why doing our devotion is important.. It's basically an intimate time you spend alone with your God. If you're devoted to your spouse/parents/children/bf or gf you would want to spend some quality time communicating with them daily. It's the same with God. I know I could call on Him anytime if I need to but I believe He would be more pleased if I set aside time to have an `appointment' with him daily.. reading what He wants to tell me and conversing with Him through prayers..

And doing devotion regularly actually benefit us not God.. we are the one who need guidance and constant teaching and surely our spiritual life will feel dry if we do not have this relationship with our God through our personal devotion..

Of course, I have other wishes and plans.. one of which is to travel to the U.S. - which I have longed to do so for more than 3 years now. I really really want to visit NYC but I probably will go look for my friend in SF and we can go together to the Big Apple. I know the trip will cost a bomb - and I would need to `eat into' some of my non-cash savings.. But this is the desire of my heart and I know God is faithful if He feels I deserve this journey, I know I will get to go.. if really not this year then soon..

Work wise, I have made a decision on NY eve. I'll register my own enterprise under sole proprietor ship next week, and also to reprint my card and set up a work blog. I even thought of the name already but will disclose a bit later. The reason being I feel I want to treat my freelancing writing career more seriously. Especially since now I've diversified to other forms of non-editorial writing. There is a market as long as I work harder to expand my network and try to clinch more jobs. I know God has been providing and there are doors opening already. So yes, lets pray and hope 2010 will be a even better year, or even a turning-point for this freelancer.

Other plans and wishes? There are of course but I feel I don't really need to list them here. Maybe one of them is that I should blog again more regularly. This would also spur on my inspiration and flair for writing. Facebooking and getting addicted to FB games doesn't really help!

So, I hope that at the end of 2010 when I review this post, I can truly say that yes, I've managed finally to have achieved my new year resolution.

Thank You For the Memories.. and Laughter!

I just returned from a wonderful long weekend at Port Dickson - from an occasion that can be considered `historic'

It's the first alumni retreat of the College and Career Fellowship (fondly known as CCF) of my church - the peer group I've joined for close to 15 years!

In the mid to late 90s, a group of swinging youngsters - then in their 20s and early 30s - not only came together on Friday night for Bible Studies but had built up deep friendship and fellowship between them. At those `hay years' of CCF, there were so many activities going on - from putting up evangelistic events like camps and variety shows to outstation trips, casual outings and gatherings.

Fast forward one-and-a-half decade on or so..

Many of the CCFers of those days had got married and started their family. So naturally, they had left our peer group and either set up or joined cell groups that are home-based. But most of them had never lost touch with their old friends, in fact, most of them are still in the same cell groups. And then there are also a fraction of us - the singles - who are still with CCF among the younger generation..

I know it's unfair to compare but the peer group today is unalike that of yesteryears'.. not only the numbers have depleted, but somehow it's not as close knit nor united, and besides the clock-work Friday meeting for Bible study, the social events of any kind are few and far in between.. In fact, we all who are still there have to face the fact that it's underdoing a crisis.. and we just have to pray for wisdom and ask God for wisdom..

But back to the retreat..

The idea of a reunion/alumni retreat had been suggested since early last year but no one cam out to organise it, until our dear former `first lady' and welfare coordinator Koots decided to spearhead this to reality. A few more people came on board to take various tasks and in two months or so, this alumni retreat was happening!

It was held at the Golden Sand Baptist Assembly - the familiar camp site of most of our church camps. Most of us went without any expectation.. but I dare to say each and everyone was truly blessed and happy to have gone!

We were honoured to have our former pastor Soo Inn, who also played apart in the formation of CCF in the early 1990s, as the speaker. And indeed what a great and charismatic speaker he is. He just recently turned 54.

It was a really fun, wonderful and unforgettable weekend. In just 48-hours or so, we did so much! The theme of the retreat was Abiding in the Vine and there were three sermon sessions, followed by group sharing. They were all very relevant and practical topics - trusting God in tough times, mariage and singleness and about work. Although many of us had heard these topics before but it was a fresh and timely reminder and there were new things I took home.

Yesterday afternoon was dedicated to personal sharing. So many came forward to attest of how CCF had became an intergral part of their spiritual life and many talked about the precious friendship formed here and how their life had been changed.

All of the sharing was interesting, encouraging and yes, nostalgic. Some of them were so funny (yes, we have a number of really humorous characters around) while a few were truly moving and caused me to have tears welded in my eyes.

The schedule was rather relaxing, understandably so as most of us are no longer young.. and also many parents brought their young kids. There were 25 kids in our midst! Our smart organiser even `imported' an experienced Sunday school teacher couple to help give the kids their own program during the talks.

The highlight of the retreat must be the fun variety show last night. True to the spirit of CCF where we had put up so many skits and shows in the past in our evangelism programs, last night's `show' was a blast!!

You know what, I bet I laughed more and harder last night than I did in a year!!

First we had the return of the Pantai Boys - and I was even `planted' to go for the audition but of course, I'm not a guy thus `lost'. But gosh, my `competitor' was really a riot with his dance that combined break-dancing and strip tease! I laughed till I could not even dance anymore.. Today, remaining members of the Pantai Boys, who are now much older men, were still in their elements and gave us a string of songs.

And then we re-staged a skit that CCF did in 1996 - which was totally unrehearsed. Somehow I also got roped in to play a small role. Basically it was acting out the creation story in Genesis 1&2. It was quite amazing that the main cast of were all there to re-enact their roles! We got to see the original version too on video but I think last night's version was even better - and funnier too!!

Finally, there was the award-presenation - of course it was just for a laugh. Imagine award titles like the `Best Nip and Tuck' , `The Drama Queen Award', `The Rojak Mixed Up' and many other long and hilarious titles!

But the night did not end there. A camper, also a keen party host, created his version of a game - ACTS - combining Articulate with Charades, Trivial and Serenade. Well, it became the battle of the sexes and finally the fairer sex won by two points! It was really a fun and quite challenging game indeed.

It was really great to see the former CCFers who are now dads and moms still so full of vigour and energy.. and after so many years, the bond between all of us are still strong. I didn't manage to talk to everyone but at least I caught up with a few especially my roommate Jenny who has immigrated to Australia for many years.

But like what Koots said, we did not come to this retreat for a feel-good time and to reminisce about the good old days.. rather, it is meant to encourage and spur us on to continue to walk with the Lord and serve Him and others which ever phase of life we're in.

Indeed, personally I have benefitted from the talks and encouraged tremendously by the sharings. Ithank God that I'm part of a family whereby I've grown in the Word, as a person, and also having good friends whom I can count on.

So, thanks Koots and all those who have put in much effort to make this retreat a reality. And thanks CCF for the fond memories!

VBS - What a blast!

Can you believe it!? We're in the last month of 2008! It feels to me that the year has just started.. I mean, where did the time go? It's getting scarier because December is both my favourite and also my most dreaded month! I'm turning another year older.. :(

The month of November ended with a bang! It has been five years since I got involved to help out the Vacation Bible School at my church. The Hawaiian themed `Outrigger Island' was activities-packed and a blast - for kids and adults! Although I was a teacher, I somehow felt like a kid again - being surrounded by so many of them! I taught the Standard 5&6 - many of them especially the girls are pretty grown-up in a way. So it wasn't too difficult to deal with them. We were also lucky to have no problem kids in our class!

I chose the afternoon session - cos it's just too much a nightmare to drag myself up early in the morning to be at church by 8am! So I still got to wake up late as the aft. session started at 2pm.

The main audi was beautifully decorated with huge flowers, oars and then on the stage, a tall vocalno complete with lights and lavas! I marvelled at the brains and hands behind these. The church was like a big themepark in a way.. only that there's a purpose to it.

There was a concise timetable to follow. Everyday started with assembly and songs followed by 40 minutes of class, and then it is the rotational sites which included music, recreation (ie some fun games), snack time and mission class. Then the kids were back to the classroom for 20 minutes of teaching and wrapping up, before they went back to the main hall for the closing assembly.

We class teachers were to follow them to where ever they went! Just after day 1, I was already feeling pretty exhausted to keep up with the kids. It didn't help that my church building had lots of staircases! There were four teachers in our class - ya, we needed team work, and we had already had a meeting a month ago to plan the lessons. I was allocated to teach on Day 3 - and it turned out to be the most important day because on that day, we were to teach them about the Cross and the Gospel, and then to invite them to receive Jesus as Lord and Saviour. About half the class came from Christian homes but we couldn't presume they really have accepted Jesus themselves.

We were pretty amazed at their response. Praise God - by the end of Day 3, we have a 100 per cent harvest for our class of 18 kids! Those who had yet to believe indicated they wanted to become a Christian. I led three boys to say the sinners prayers while my co-teachers spoke to them in groups. We believe that at the age of 11-12, they are mature enough to make decisions. But of course, this was only the starting point for them.. the seeds were sown but there must be follow-up at this our church will be doing.

Five day flew by and then on Saturday afternoon, there was a Family Day Concert where all the kids performed songs with actions. All kids, parents as well as teachers and helpers enjoyed ourselves! And by then, I had already made some new young friends - yup, I exchanged phone nos and emails with some of my class students..

And it was all a bit sad to say bye-bye but I know I will still see many of them around.

I took quite a lot of photos throughout the week.. have selected a few here.



















For more (professionally taken) photos and posts on VBS, check out this blog

Decisions and divine guidance

As we entered into the last two months of 2008 - gosh where had all the time gone - it seems my life has become even more `interesting' with some unexpected things happening. I'm just really thankful to how God has been leading me step-by-step and working in my life - in whatever circumstances.

On Monday, I was given two decisions to make from two very different appointments. The first was related to my faith and my involvement with mission field that requires me to take a leap of faith. The second was related to work - I was offered to take on my biggest freelance work project to date. The client is a multi-national company but through a freelancer designer.

Of course for the former, I didn't have to give an answer immediately.. In fact deep down I know I would do it because i already wanted to just that i didn't know when or how. But i would take time to pray and I know God will speak clearer to me even.. But for the latter I had only till today (Wed) afternoon to reply the designer. I was glad to have such an opportunity to take up an interesting and challenging project but the flip side of it is that it seems we have a mammoth task ahead and would require lots of brain power, effort and time. Deadline is tight and the job is nothing but straight forward. If I am totally free from any commitment and work these two months, i would likely to have taken up this challenge. But I have already some commitments in these two usually busy months.

So after weighing the pros and cons, and also seeking advince from sound-minded close friends, I made up my mind by Tues afternoon - I turned down the 3K job.

And I felt relief and glad. As a friend pointed out rightly, I must admit my main motivation was the money, second the rather prestigious portfolio. Not that it's wrong per se. But to me, I know myself better. One thing is, I can't handle great stress. At the same time, I know if i were to take it up, it would affect those ministires i've committed to do. I thank God i have the luxury of not taking it cos i don't really need this money (tho it's nice and useful to have more!) - in fact, the last two months I've been blessed with almost double the income I normally get!

As for the first decision. I'm less `worried' - in fact, I didn't even struggle as much as the work-related! Somehow i know God is leading me one step at a time. My mission exposure trip to Yunnan in September has not only been an eye-opener but also open up my heart.. That i somehow felt the call to be more involved in mission work - in whatever way i didn't know. But i know it was not by coincidence that when our missionary partners in Kunming found out I'm a journalist/writer, they sounded quite excited and said there's a need for people like me to help in their work - on top of that I know the language...

So what's been a seed germinated inside to return there is now gradually coming to a reality.. No, i'm not doing something drastic overnight. In fact, what has been offered and asked of me is a stepping stone to experience and know more about the actual thing. We know it's not easy to be working in the mission field, but I'm not so worried because even if I'm unsure, God knows. I can just place my trust in God's leading as He has been doing for my whole life - including thingss beyond what we can plan ourselves..

Yes, He knows what's good and right for me. And on my part, I just pray that I will be obedient to serve and to do His will.

So ya, decisions may be difficult but not so when God is helping you along the way.. :)

Taking the plunge into my first missions trip!

Procrastination is bad - and I know I have to conquer it, even if it's just blogging!

In the last three weeks or so.. the daily hits of my blog have reduced by almost half - not that there're many to start with! Well, no, that's not the `motivation' for me to blog.. but the fact is, I do have things to share.. I could easily blog another six posts at one go but no, I really don't have the time.

I will start by sharing on this: I'll be going on my first short-term mission trip next month - to Kunming, China! :)

Missions and evangelism have always been close to my heart.. In fact from a Spiritual gift `test/questionnaire' that we did in a camp in 1995, I actually scored quite highly in this area. And I have tried to be involved in missions related ministry in church or out from time to time and these few years, even took up the role as `missions coordinator' for my peer group.. But to be honest, I have not been doing much.. such a far cry from others who really are devoted their time and effort in investing in sharing the gospel to others..

About 3 years back, I have this thought to join a short-term missions trip and my church does organise such trips a few times a year to various places - such as Nepal, Cambodia, China and other parts of SEAsia. All these places have great needs but somehow I feel more burden to want to reach to the poor and lost souls of my ancestor's lands - maybe because we share the same heritage and culture, and on top of that, I am Chinese literate so communication will be easy.

I have missed at least two short-term missions trips to China in the last few years (esp that time when I was still employed) as well as other opportunities to to other places. There were usually many excuses in my head - including that whether I could cope in the environment!!

Then, as I was almost crying out to God for my stale spiritual life these days, one Sunday I read in the bulletin that pastor is organising a short-term missions trip to Kunming next month. Of course I didn't just sign up immediately but ponder on it for a week or so. I really wanted to go - I mean I had told myself and God that I wanted to go to China for short-term mission trip.

But now while time is now not a main factor, the cost is a factor.. (I can't afford to go on a long-haul trip anymore this year!) But guess what - my dad came with me to church the following Sunday and although he is not a Christian yet, he was so touched and challenge by the missionary speakers and when I told him about the missions trip, he was ready to sponsor me!

We spoke to Pastor who said they were just looking for one more female - it's a small group - and even encouraged us further so I think my dad was sold! To him this experience will be good for me.

So to cut a longish story short! I am going for the one-week trip. The flight has been booked! I still do not know the full itinerary but pastor said basically we will be working in partnership with the local church there and will be spreading the Gospel to the minority tribes there..

The last time I visited the minority tribes in that same province of Yunnan (but different areas), I was there for a child-sponsor visit with World Vision. It was an unforgettable trip but we weren't spreading the Gospel. In fact, as a matter of policy, WV - tho a Christian NGO - disallow sponsors to talk to the children about Christianity at all..

Well, physical needs are vital but our spiritual side can't be neglected. Only some people need help physically BUT we ALL need God in our lives.. it reminds me one of my favourite verse in the Bible: "What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, yet forfeit his soul?" (Mark 8:36)

True, doing mission work is not just about missions trips to foreign countries, we also have to start with people around us, in our own land.. Having said that, I think God has called me to take a step of faith, to open up my eyes to the world around and to use me and train me up for His kingdom.

And yes, I'm thankful and excited! :)

Where, O death, is thy sting?

Never had I understood this verse in 1 Corinthian 15:55 more clearly..

A dear friend of us from church succumbed to lung cancer yesterday morning. It has been one-and-a-half year since Michael was diagnosed with stage four of lung cancer. I remembered we were shell-shocked and sad to receive the sms his wife Elaine sent during our fellowship Christmas party in 2006. We never expected that.. end stage lung cancer!? He was not even a smoker at all. There was so much to look forward to in his life - Elaine was then pregnant with their first son. And they were one of the most loving couples, and such nice and friendly people I know.

For the last 18 months or so - we saw how they battled cancer through medical treatment, also prayers and supports from church and friends.. At one stage after chemotherapy, the tumor had actually reduced in size and there was some optimism. But unfortunately not long later, his condition got worse and cancer has spread to other parts of his body.

All along, Elaine has been a wonderful and supportive wife - she constantly updated us of Michael's condition through SMSes so that we could pray for him. She also had quit her job especially after baby Brian arrived - and to take care of her husband and baby full-time. On the other hand, I am encouraged and amazed by Michael as well. Whenever I saw him, he had never once complained of his illness or pain if he was suffering any. He was still the same cheerful, smiling guy I knew since day one.

Usually we would see them during Sunday service and sometimes have lunch together. But for the last two months or so, due to his worsening condition, they couldn't come out much. Then about two weeks ago when I got a SMS from Elaine saying that Michael has been warded at Pantai due to breathing difficulty, I decided to pay them a visit. And I'm glad I went although that was the crazy evening - the eve of fuel price rise. That was the first time I saw Michael totally bald but he seemed still in good spirit. He didn't talk much because he was given the oxygen mask then so Elaine and I talked for a while.. and I was very encouraged by what she shared with me., with Michael nodding his head. Indeed their faith was strong and the Lord has been very close to Michael during his final days on earth and filled him with His Spirit. Unfortunately I couldn't stay too long and said a short prayer for Michael and bid goodbye.

That was the last time I saw Michael. The news of his demise was equally if not more shocking than the news of him diagnosed with cancer. Although to be realistic, we have mentally prepared for a day that he might not make it. But the night before, I just got an sms from Elaine asking us to pray for him as he has got an infection and was warded again. I was thinking of following up the next day. Then when I woke up (very late), I got the news. Elaine herself also sent out sms to inform..I decided just text her rather than call as I know she must be very worn out and distraught.

I was in a melancholic mood the whole day.. on one hand I know Michael has gone to be with the Lord and is at a better place..but I really feel for Elaine, Brian and Michael's family. Especially Elaine - I prayed that she would be strong and her faith not shaken..

I was really encouraged by her sharing at the wake service tonight.. yes, I could see she had cried buckets but last minute she decided to go on stage to share about what happened to Michael before he left. It was similar to what she had told me in the hospital and although being filled with the Spirit may be something a little `foreign' to Baptists (we are all from a baptist church), but I know it's true and I know that the Lord had been with Michael and sustaining him to the last hour. Although like what pastor said, we don't understand why God did not heal him and let him die, but we know God never left Michael alone and he is now with Jesus..

I song led for a bereavement occasion for the first time. I wanted to do it when I was asked because that was something I could do for my friends. I was quite worried at first for I had never done it before - what should I say? what songs to pick? it would be far easier to lead songs for wedding (which I have done a few times) I was asked to choose only four songs. Since yesterday I was praying that the Lord gave me the right songs - those that can comfort and give hope to the family. Elaine also called me last evening and told me a song that Michael liked so I incorporated that.. which was actually very appropriate too.

Praise and thank God that the songs had touched many people - for I had some positive comments.. Actually as late as today I didn't know how to choose two out of three songs (the other two - the opening and Michael's song - were fixed) Finally I was so glad that I had `Because He Lives' as closing.. I had to forgo `It is Well With My Soul' for `In Christ Alone' because I felt the latter has a more powerful and hopeful meaning.. `It is Well' is quite a popular hymn for bereavement I guess but it would be a bit too sad.. somehow I thought.

It was a meaningful memorial service for Michael - a number of his friends went on stage impromptu to give mini eulogy. The amount of people who turned out also said a lot about his personality. And Elaine's own speech was very touching and inspiring.. though I saw her broke down after she spoke.. :(

Just to digress from this a bit.. but also in related topic - last evening I interviewed a couple who lost their teenage son to cancer. Already affected by Michael's death, that was not something I really looked forward to hear and talk about but deadline was looming so I just had to go ahead. It turned out to be another amazing testimony. Their son had so much faith in God that he became the inspirations to the parents and now that the parents, who had led lukewarm Christian lives had turned back to God and active in serving too. The way that the parents talked about their son (who died less than a year ago) was quite amazing - to me it really opened up my eyes on how powerful `death' can be. Because for a person who has found Christ, there is no fear in death. Death has lost its sting.

The last verse in the closing hymn we sang goes:

"And then one day I'll cross the river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
and then as death gives way to victory
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives"

Of course, we know for the loved ones left behind, it's sad and I can really empathise with Elaine and their young boy. She will no doubt miss her hubby dearly. But I also believe that with time, she will come out of it because the Lord is there with her at all time.

Farewell Michael, you have fought a good fight! We shall miss you..

Take care and be strong, Elaine. We love you and God bless..

He speaks through the thorn..

It has been a pretty lazy and tiring week.. lazy because I have not been productive in my work - doing just the bare minimum and slowly meeting the deadlines.. and tiring because I have not been sleeping enough, thus physically and emotionally quite lethargic.

Having said that, I thank God He is lifting me up spiritually.. I think it's at time when we're not in a rush or haste that we can hear His voice clearer. I am thankful for the awakening once again like how I experienced it last March and also August. Like the apostle Paul, I know the Lord is not removing my`thorn' so that I would remember Him and come back to Him when I stray away...

So, yes, I have lack of sleep. But I'm fine. I'm not ill for those of you who know me personally and may be concerned.. I am in fact joyful and at peace. I think 2008 had been a great start.. not because I have managed to accomplished one or two resolutions - well part if them.. eg FB and dieting.. but more importantly, I have rededicated my life once again back to God for Him to lead and guide, and not trying to run my own life.

I have recommitted myself to serve in a couple of ministries seriously, on top of that, to buck up my personal devotion with the Lord.. and most importantly, to have Him living on the throne of my heart..

Like what a preacher said last week: the more we obey and serve, the more blessed we are. Not in the sense of material and personal blessing but the fact that God can use a as great blessings to others. And that in turn, is a greatest blessing because our lives honour God.

And that's my top `resolution' this year and beyond..

For God's (and my health's) sake.. MUST kill the owl!

I feel better today..

Maybe because I slept a bit earlier.. (as in earlier than my terrible owlish hours!) and it's also Sunday. Can't deny the spiritual dose I experienced at church service did have a kind of calming effect. And singing in choir also helped.. So i can feel more peace and joy inside..

For a couple of days I was in kinda tense and irritable mood, and it's not that time of the month so.. (no excuse really!) I guess the bad sleeping hours really took a toll on me.. on top of that I was still having the horrible cold..

Praise God though today my cold has much improved..I was still a bit snappy even to some of my church friends.. I think by the time I drove home after choir, I felt lighter.. Actually there is no reason to be stressed for I've more or less done up the first draft of my two articles.. I just needed to shorten them! And for the shoot.. well, have done all the more difficult parts and by God's grace, things should proceed smoothly..

So now, it's up to me and my own will power. I am going to have a time of prayer tonight and commit my whole lifestyle to the Lord again...I must start doing my devotion regularly as well..

To think of it, there are so many more things I should be channeling my thoughts and energy into.. like how I could be the salt and light and bring people to Christ in my daily life.. and definitely should NOT be sitting here moping and descending into self-pity.

Ok. That's it. I shall sleep in an earthly hour today so I can start the busy week afresh.. will have to be firm and positive and yes, wait for some good news..

p.s. sorry for these ranting posts but I'm sure there'll be more exciting posts coming.. just bear with me :)

He knows best! :)

After a number of frivolous posts, I would like to share something more serious, and important to me. (it's kinda long but I hope you can read through..)

Well, those of you who know me personally or who have followed my blog religiously (ahem :p) would know about the changes in my career journey - that end of last October, I left a newspaper company that I worked with for 12 years, and tested out the life of a freelance journalist/writer. At one point, I was looking forward to rejoin the company though a different paper but it didn't work out.. So from after CNY till now, I have been a full-time freelance journalist..

Just a month or two back, I was beginning to feel that I was earning so much less while I could be getting so much more if I'm employed in a publication company. Not like I didn't already know that, but I was willing to give freelancing a try.. after all, at the back of my mind, I was telling myself that this freelance furore will be a temporary thing.. maybe a year the most. Cos the pragmatic side of me was telling me that I should be earning as least as much as, or if not more, than before!

On the other hand, I must say that I have been really enjoying my life ever since I quit my job. The time is all mine to work it - I relish the freedom, the flexibility of being able to be my own boss, to do things I enjoy doing and pace my own time. But then, it came to a stage that I was wondering whether this is `healthy'? that can I live such a ideal work patterns? I have not been idle, just that the work loads can be sporadic.

Sometime in June, I mentioned in a post that I would probably be looking out for full-time job again. And I did so, though I was quite choosy as well. But I (thought I) knew where I wanted to work so I only applied to that place, and the editor responded and asked me for an interview! I was happy! And was already hopeful that soon I could be starting work again quite soon.. maybe if things go well - September (as this month I have some planned travelling already)

Alas, the interview date was kept being postponed till it seemed indefinite, the reason given was that the human resource people were busy interviewing other candidates (but not my post). So till date, more than a month since the ed first got back to me, I still don't know when that elusive interview will be...

Ok, now I come to the crunch of this post. A crucial decision has been made, this time, it was an revelation of sort from the One above. Early this year, I have rededicated my life to the Lord and as I see how He has continued to lead me in my path and bless me, the more I wanted to live a life that's pleasing for Him. Yes, I have achieved a bit.. (like cutting off some bad habit/ sinful attitudes) but most importantly I told God I want to submit to His will in whatever I do. This thinking I'm sharing may sound alien to non-Christians but I need to share this because it is directly link to the decision on my career..

Two days ago at gym, when I was enjoying my solitude while working out, God spoke to me. Maybe it was because my friend and I had been praying about my job situation.. Then suddenly the thoughts just flashed clearly in mind. I felt God was asking me: `what is the motivation for me to want to go back to full-time employment' and my honest answer was simple: `money and job security'. And really that's just about it.

While it's nothing wrong to hope for better pay and job security, in my case, I know I've been self-centred and `rebellious'. Ever since I started freelancing and God paving the way for more works, He is also teaching me two things: to be disciplined in my time management; and secondly, be more prudent in my spending. These two areas are my weaknesses and I recognise that He wanted to prune me as I work as a freelancer.

God also reminded me that I'm fortunate enough to not have any financial commitment - I'm single, live with parents, have no installments or bills to pay except for my two dogs. It's not the case that I really need a higher paid job, it is something I want and a lifestyle I want to covet. But God reminds me this: `you can't serve two master'. Also, if I have prayed and committed myself to Him, I should be obedient to His direction in my life.

I know God was speaking (not literally but..) to me on that afternoon. I spent sometime alone to pray and made up my mind. I felt a sense of peace and joy. Quite excited that I called and shared with my prayer buddy.

And then it kinda struck me, it was a bit unusual that the interview had never materialised yet, although the section desperately needs a writer! Could it be the Higher Power at work?

The thing is, I have been enjoying doing freelance writing so far, and I could see God has opened more doors with a few new jobs coming in.. including writing for a travel mag! :) In fact, many magazines are seeking contributors to write articles and cut down on their staff.. (cost cutting) so I can see I would have more jobs if I am willing to work harder!

Not that full-time employment is no good, but for one who has done both, I know what each side is like. I know the job I applied for is hectic, has long hours and also requires overtime works! And off hand I can already list many benefits if I remain a freelancer:

• Less stress - thus lead to better mental health
• More time to serve God - in and outside church
• More time to spend with family
• More time to spend with two Js ;)
• More time to exercise
• Avoid rush hour traffic jam
• etc.. etc.. :p
  

I still have a couple of stories to finish before going to church camp and Bali later this month. From next month, I am all geared up to relaunch my freelance career and to work harder (yeah, was taking it rather easy before :p)

So what if I'm getting a pay cut. Money is not the only motivation in life.... Most importantly, I know He knows best what is best for me!

update (Mon 1:45pm)
Just chatted with a friend who is an ex-journalist from the paper that I applied to and she said she was told that they have taken in a new journalist for that section! Oh well..i want to give the ed the benefit of the doubt.. but this is quite candid ain't it? in view of the turnaround decision I made. It just goes to show that He is in control. Doors would be opened, doors would be closed as He deems fit. Yes, I'm still at peace and even more :)

They sing their lives for God..

They're not some Chinese pop artistes. These two guys sing for God and their sole mission is to spread the Gospel through their performances.

I was so impressed by these blokes from Singpetra Mission (their website is in Chinese) last week when I brought my parents to their Chinese Golden Oldies concert that I went back again to watch the concert last night! After all, it was free :p and was held at my church..

Having been involved in gospel singing and evangelistic concerts for many years, Henry Chong, who founded Singpetra Mission, and his partner Raymond Looi, started a series of Chinese Golden Oldies evangelistic concerts last year - although the they are Singaporeans, Malaysia is like their base and they had been having the ocassional concerts at our church since the beginning of this year..



I know it's kinda bad but I really didn't expect that they could sing so well! Henry has got a deep, powerful baritone voice while i would describe Raymond's as soothing and sensual.. i prefer his voice actually. Yes, their vocals are no doubt better than many pop idols of today! On top of that, they also have great showmanship and exude such charisma and charm on stage...

But what was more impressive than all that is their testimonies. I mean here are two highly talented and pretty good-looking guys. Instead of pursuing a dream of seeking fame and fortune in the entertainment world, they have chosen the narrow path - that of serving God and spreading the Gospel. And their type of work is not without its fair share of hurdles and hardship, and they have no fixed income nor a proper support base.

For Henry who is already 42, he was not ashamed to disclose that he has no money, property or even a car and he even sacrificed marriage, `How can I afford it and who would marry me?' he said. As for the younger Raymond, he was recently offered a lucrative recording contract by a large music company in Singapore but he turned it down.. For these two, they are single-minded in their calling by God...and there's no looking back.



It's great that their Chinese Golden Oldies showcase had been very well received. Through singing (old) love songs, they were creative to link them to their faith and the Gospel.. and during each concert, there were people who came to accept Jesus.

Last night I came back again also because they were singing hymns and songs of praises. I thoroughly enjoyed myself..With just a guitar as accompaniment, the two of them took those familiar aged-old hymns and sung them from the bottom of their hearts with such feelings.. the music was moving and beautiful. And of course there were heartfelt sharing in between.

Their (tentatively) last show at our church will be on August 14, and I think I will be there again.. and hopefully will invite some Chinese-speaking friends to come along!

50 Years of God's Faithfulness

I seldom write much about my church in this blog.. maybe it's such a regular part of my life that it seems just normal..

But this I have to blog. Because this weekend, we celebrated FBC's 50th anniversary in a grand way - with the theme `Celebrating God's Faithfulness'. (Yep, my church is older than Malaysia by two months ;) )

Having been worshipping at this church since I graduated and a member since 1993, it's like an extended family of mine so naturally I feel very much a part of the celebration of this family turning big 5-0 and commemorates its Golden Jubilee!

On Friday, we had a grand formal dinner at the Sime Darby Convention Centre whereby close to 1,000 people attended!

The hall was decorated with many white and gold balloons - very festive feel indeed :) Our peer group has already bought 3 tables so we were seated among friends. Among familiar faces were also many guests - including our former pastors and para-church leaders etc..

We started off with a time of singing - the songs were the nostalgic type from the 70s! ;) The program included slide presentation from the past (albeit poor quality on our screen), a few testimonies by the more `mature' church members, a short message and in between, we had vocal and violin performances. And of course, food in the form of a 8-course Chinese dinner.

As the evening progressed, some of us including myself decided to socialise and made our ways to other tables to mingle around.. Somehow the photos I took were all with girls!! Guess we looked prettier when dressed up than the guys ;)




It was indeed a memorable and a nostalgic evening - and many hearts were filled with thanksgiving. A particular moving moment was when a sister paid tribute to all the past and present pastors by recognising each of them on stage.. and they rightly deserved a standing ovation from all! I had to sneak my way closer to the stage and managed to snap this not very good pix.



The next day, we had a special anniversary worship service in the afternoon in church. For me personally, it was the starting of a busy time! I rejoined the church choir a month ago to participate in singing for the anniversary and we had been working quite hard. And a week ago, I was asked to help to lead worship in songs for the service! By God's grace, I managed to gather a team quite fast and had our practice only on that morning itself.. indeed, it's an honour to be able to serve in this way during such a momentous occasion..

But... was so busy that I didn't get a chance to take any photo that afternoon!

The service began with the choir presenting two songs: our theme song `Great is Thy Faithfulness' and a song written by a former pastor of our church entitled `In Him'. It was a lovely song with deep and meaningful lyrics.. however the tune and timing were really difficult to sing! And although we spent so much time learning and practising it, unfortunately the result was still less than desired.. but I guess we've tried our best..

The congregation also had a good time of worshipping the Lord together, giving praises and glory to His name in one voice.. It was such a joy to see a group of older members presenting us `Voices of the 60s' with a medley of upbeat songs. We had a charismatic and great speaker, who gave us the message that again pointed to the faithfulness of God. The service then culminated with a hi-tea.

The celebration continued to Sunday's worship services. The choir was to sing in both Subang and Pantai centres. Incidentally, a few of us from the choir also belonged to a small a capella group and we had been practising a song for while to present on this Sunday too!

To me, it was the most challenging part because we had to be in Subang by 7:30am! I got up at 6:20am - a time closer to my normal sleeping time than waking time! But praise God, the singing went well early in morning even..

Here is a photo taken during a break between 1st and 2nd service - showing some choir members in our `uniform' - light blue top and gold scarf.



I also signed the Church Covenant today - it is to express the nature of a member's relationship with the church. Something new to me but apparently it was practiced in the church in her early days and now reintroduced.

We're indeed blessed by the many committed members who have served the church tirelessly over the years... and remembering the first batch of overseas missionaries and local people who formed this church 50 years ago. But above all, as reminded by our theme, it is God alone who has been faithful to us and preserved this church for His purpose..

And with that we are humbled.. Like the sermon preached this morning, lets move forward - by striving to love Him, obey Him and serve Him more and more in our lives...