As we entered into the last two months of 2008 - gosh where had all the time gone - it seems my life has become even more `interesting' with some unexpected things happening. I'm just really thankful to how God has been leading me step-by-step and working in my life - in whatever circumstances.
On Monday, I was given two decisions to make from two very different appointments. The first was related to my faith and my involvement with mission field that requires me to take a leap of faith. The second was related to work - I was offered to take on my biggest freelance work project to date. The client is a multi-national company but through a freelancer designer.
Of course for the former, I didn't have to give an answer immediately.. In fact deep down I know I would do it because i already wanted to just that i didn't know when or how. But i would take time to pray and I know God will speak clearer to me even.. But for the latter I had only till today (Wed) afternoon to reply the designer. I was glad to have such an opportunity to take up an interesting and challenging project but the flip side of it is that it seems we have a mammoth task ahead and would require lots of brain power, effort and time. Deadline is tight and the job is nothing but straight forward. If I am totally free from any commitment and work these two months, i would likely to have taken up this challenge. But I have already some commitments in these two usually busy months.
So after weighing the pros and cons, and also seeking advince from sound-minded close friends, I made up my mind by Tues afternoon - I turned down the 3K job.
And I felt relief and glad. As a friend pointed out rightly, I must admit my main motivation was the money, second the rather prestigious portfolio. Not that it's wrong per se. But to me, I know myself better. One thing is, I can't handle great stress. At the same time, I know if i were to take it up, it would affect those ministires i've committed to do. I thank God i have the luxury of not taking it cos i don't really need this money (tho it's nice and useful to have more!) - in fact, the last two months I've been blessed with almost double the income I normally get!
As for the first decision. I'm less `worried' - in fact, I didn't even struggle as much as the work-related! Somehow i know God is leading me one step at a time. My mission exposure trip to Yunnan in September has not only been an eye-opener but also open up my heart.. That i somehow felt the call to be more involved in mission work - in whatever way i didn't know. But i know it was not by coincidence that when our missionary partners in Kunming found out I'm a journalist/writer, they sounded quite excited and said there's a need for people like me to help in their work - on top of that I know the language...
So what's been a seed germinated inside to return there is now gradually coming to a reality.. No, i'm not doing something drastic overnight. In fact, what has been offered and asked of me is a stepping stone to experience and know more about the actual thing. We know it's not easy to be working in the mission field, but I'm not so worried because even if I'm unsure, God knows. I can just place my trust in God's leading as He has been doing for my whole life - including thingss beyond what we can plan ourselves..
Yes, He knows what's good and right for me. And on my part, I just pray that I will be obedient to serve and to do His will.
So ya, decisions may be difficult but not so when God is helping you along the way.. :)