Perhaps Love...

Perhaps love is like a resting place

A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Oh, Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel

And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

A time for everything...

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What does the worker gain from his toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on men. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

The scripture is full of truth and wisdom.. And indeed, although it's kinda sad and not what we've expected, now is a time when we need to take time off, take a step back and seek God's guidance and wisdom..

The happy moments - the rainbows after the storm - were short-lived and then all the nitty gritty problems set in again.. we have talked and shared our feelings openly, we have tried to get over them.. but I think after a while the pressure became too much especially for him.. so the best thing I guess we could do was to `take time off', to `cool down' and have time to ourselves... and not let history repeat itself..

Initially I was quite dismayed and upset, but when I brought it all to the Lord, He comforted me and reassured me, and spoke words of wisdom. He did not give me an immediate answer, but asked me to trust in Him and His timing. He knows we need time to heal, and we need time to build ourselves up again.. And what's most important now is we need to get our lives right with Him.. No matter what the future holds, it's in God's hand and it's no use that I get anxious and distraught over it..

It's not easy but strange enough, it has not been too hard this time round.. In fact, I told him about my prayers and what God has impressed upon me and he agrees. So now, we are leaving things as it is.. no expectations of what is to come, but to get on with our lives and trusting God's timing and leading..

I know when we finally have to come to that `cross-road' - which ever it may be, it would not be too hard.. as there is always a time for everything...

So there are rainbows after a dark storm..

IT has been a long, tiring week... beginning with a storm early last Friday evening that culminated into a painful decision that appeared to be mutual.. and following that, hours and days ahead that were gradually transforming.. from almost hopeless to glimpses of hope..

But amidst this, God has been so good and faithful.. and He was definitely in control, guiding and leading us, in the heartaches, confusions and uncertainties we went through. And finally, when we knew that the feelings we had had never ceased, He showed us the rainbows..

Sometimes, we won't know what we had was precious till we (almost) lost it. And then when we thought we had lost it, we then realised how much it meant to us. And that if we take a step back and just think and look at the situation from a bigger picture, we then found out what we thought was `dead-ends' were just some knots that could be ironed out..

We had almost given up. But in my heart, it was more about `letting go' and letting God.. I knew it would be hard.. in fact, I cried myself to sleep for a few nights.. Memories came flooding back - of how it all began, the good times and how we talked hours and tried so hard to work through tough moments.. how we dreamt of a future together.. and while many good things that yet to come.. it was so sad that it had to end so soon..

But deep in my heart, and I know in his too, that we still loved and cared for each other... but the conflicts, the expectations and some issues surrounding our relationship seemed too overwhelming, too painful and tiring for us to cope. And then I also thought perhaps it was because we had entered the relationship too soon.. that we didn't know each other well enough.

I was grateful that we could still be friends. And I realise that even IF we were not a couple, we can be the best of friends.. we do share lots in common. In fact, the `friendship' that we were sharing in the past week, inadvertently became even stronger.. It's kinda strange, we actually communicated daily, either on chat, sms or phone..It was like we have never been apart.

Initially, he had said he believed we won't get back together... But on my own, I have prayed and somehow I knew somehow God is not finished with us.. So I just asked that he would leave things open and let God lead.. and he did not persist his original thought. And then, day by day as we spoke on the phone, I sensed the changes in his heart. Two nights ago, he told me it's not a question of `if' but `when' we would be together again... That was the first time I didn't shed tears when I went to bed.

And last night when we met up, it happened.. Just like we had the mutual decision at the same time last week to part, this time, we could no longer holdback our feelings for each other. Especially when we spoke of how some friends are having such huge issues and challenges in their relationship, and we could not even really pinpoint what big problems we had. Yes, of course we had our shares of fights and unhappiness (which couple doesn't) but surely they weren't something that we could not overcome, especially when we know how much we do love each other and how much we treasure the relationship.

We didn't talk much.. but there's a mutual understanding the comfort of holding each other.. Making up is always sweet.

While driving home, I was overwhelmed by emotions and cried.. I cried because I was so thankful to God for His goodness and faithfulness.. and that after the week of heartache and sadness, thinking that we have lost each other, he brought us back together.

Thank you God, for your rainbows after the storm... we would commit our relationship afresh unto You.

So that's what they call serendipity...

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

(Fly Me To The Moon - the 1st song we shared online)

Ok, here it goes.. this is indeed the most personal post i've written.

It's a weird, wonderful feeling that words could not begin to describe.. I mean, am not the type that share my intimate feelings on my blog but to not share it, is like betraying myself.. and my blog! :p

From the first encounter on Facebook (ya, the place i hangout most :p) a month back, it has been surreal how things have developed. No, i had not been looking for someone on the Net, nor even really searching for that someone elsewhere.. But the Almighty works in a mysterious and funny way.. and before we knew it.. it just happened.

He added me as `friend'. Ok, I've been receiving many friends requests and I tried to add only people I know or at least with some close common ties. I checked out his profile.. we had quite a bit in common and he seemed quite interesting. Didn't know why I dropped him a private message and asked: `do i know you..?' And that was the start of our continuous conversation on line.. from Facebook to G-talk.

Since then, we have spent hours (which adds up to days and maybe more..) chatting online. It was really really nice talking and also found we have so much in common.. we talked about everything under the sun, from family to food, politics to religion, and other frivolous stuff like sharing songs on youtube. And although we hadn't met physically, a bond has gradually formed and yes.. whether we wanted to admit it or now, the feelings for each other has developed...

But of course, neither of us believe it's possible to have this `relationship' just by chatting online, behind our screens.. the friendship has grown and I think in a way `absence makes the heart grows fonder.. So ya, after my Bali trip (during which there were quite a bit of sms exchanges) we met up for the first time and we enjoyed the company just like we had been online. And we continued chatting online.. and then in the days to come, the realisation of our feelings for each other sank in.

Lately, I had been dropping `hints' or just a fragment of my happiness on my Facebook status for the last two weeks or so. And yes, they arouse some curiosity.. No, i did not mean to flaunt it, but when the surreal has become reality.. it's not for me to hide it as well. Hey, might as well just come out of the open!

So on the one month `anniversary' that we met, we took the plunge and changed the relationship status. After all, we `owed it' to Facebook else we won't even have met!? ;) I was quite amused though by the influx of `congratulatory' comments.. but guess friends and relatives are just happy for me.

While it may seems fast.. but I guess it happens when matters of the hearts are concerned. We are no lovestruck teenagers.. and are going into it with our eyes opened. And to me, what is wonderful is that it's not the physical attraction that started it all.. We have talked and shared so much and that we can be very good friends anyways.. And I guess the most beautiful thing about our relationship is that neither of us saw it coming. Some may call it `fate' but I know it's our God brought us together.. And to him, knowing me is his` serendipity' (a word he needed to explain to me) .. he even wrote about it in his blog.

It is not merely about the warm and fuzzy feeling of falling in love, though that feels wonderful. But I just feel so blessed when I know there's someone whom you can click with so well, share so much with, who cares for you very much, who wants the best of your interests in heart.. and most importantly, likes you and loves you as who you are. Of course we all have our own flaws and weaknesses but I like to think we will encourage each other and bring out the best of each other.

Oh, and he makes me laugh so much.. he's quite a paradox (in a good way), and many things about him amazes me (don't blush now dear if u're reading this! :p) So, ya, I can't deny that I have been feeling on cloud nine for the last one-two weeks. Still am..

But of course, we also know life is not a bed of roses, and one has to put in efforts in a relationship. I mean we have only just begun our walk and surely there would be setbacks and challenges along the way. But at the same time, I know that our all-loving God who has given us more than we expect and deserve, would be leading us every step of the journey ahead. And we both also want to put Him first in our lives.

Thank you God for your immense blessings :) May our journey together and with You be a beautiful one that glorifies Your name.