Funny how sometimes you think you're so sure of something but actually you are not...
Last week, I submitted my V.S.S. or Voluntary Separation Scheme application. I thought I was happy with the decision (though the actual decision of whether I'll leave the company or not is up to the people up there) and think that I'll finally have a chance to start afresh doing something else in my life!
The deadline for Malay Mail staff to submit the V.S.S. was actually today - Feb 21, 2006. Yesterday as I was reminded of that, I suddenly had much thoughts running in my head and felt quite restless and uneasy. As I flipped through our papers, I suddenly felt if I leave, I would actually miss what I've been doing. I began to ask myself questions like will I be really happy leaving this job? A job that I've come to love and enjoy so much doing, and something I know I'm good atl.. I also asked myself why I wanted to leave. Was it because of the money that I will be getting? Or that I really have aspirations to pursue something else? Then I put my shoes in both scenarios.. I began to get more and more confused.
This `debate' in my head got worse when I went to bed at night. I tried to pray and tell God what was bothering me. But after that I still could not sleep - knowing that by the next day, whatever I've put in will be `final'. I needed some advice so I talked to my dad. And after that, I made up my mind.
I was going to retract my V.S.S. application. And that was what I did today!
Of course, I wasn't 100 per cent sure whether I could do that although it was still within the deadline. I called up the Human Resource Department this morning and was told that there were a few similar cases too. I had to write in black and white which I did, and passed the `letter' to a staff in the department during lunch time. Then, I needed to run off to my assignment already.
So, I have officially retracted my V.S.S.! But tomorrow I would have to follow-up again to check whether it really had been withdrawn.
And how do I feel? I am happy and at peace now. I guess although many a times I got frustrated with how things are run in the company but deep down, the love for my job has outweighed them. Yes, I know it will be quite different when the `new' Malay Mail comes out in May; and yes, I'm still doubtful of the young paper that it is to become and the new editor and management team. But at least I know I am able to contribute and continue to do what I like, for it will have a major section on lifestyle and entertainment. The new boss has come in last week and from what we have heard from him, it doesn't sound too bad.. in fact, this transition can be quite a challenging time if you look at it in an optimistic way.
Guess I'm an optimist at heart.. and if I'm really not happy to be there, I can also ask to be transferred to NST.
So, looks like this 13-year-old tie (counting my two years with Berita Publishing which was part of the NSTP group then) is not ready to be severed.. yet.