Who do I blog for?

Ok, I'm gonna be very honest here...

I know I've told myself and even said it here before that one of the main reasons why i enjoyed blogging (and have continued to do so regular for one-year-and-nine-months ) was that `it is a creative outlet for myself'...

But that's only half the truth. I can't deny the fact that unlike writing in a diary, i know i have an audience here.. So whatever I do, consciously or subconsciously i do tailor my blog with my friends/readers in mind.

In many instances I have actively `promoted' my blog to old and new friends and even some acquaintances.. although I have not been pushing my blog on the blogosphere. But I do count myself as quite an active blogger though definitely not a high profile one.

Ok.. here is the crunch. I don't know now whether I have enough reasons to blog on.. I feel that after almost two years and I think I've done quite a good job (look into my archieve if u have time) but the hits to my blog have not increased but even decreased these days..

Like these few days, my sitemeter registered an average of 20 plus hits and less than 20 a day! That's kinda sad because over the last year or so, the visitors to my blog has gradually increased to about 30 and more, and I had even hit much higher numbers when I posted comment on popular blogs or posted on popular topics that people searched on.

Yes I know i should not feel disheartened for I do know many bloggers who still continue to blog on with just a minimal circles of readers.. But maybe it's just me. May be it's the journalist in me.. I need some form of recognition for my `work'. I admit that having comments from readers delights me, and I feel quite discouraged of sort when I don't get any comments for many consecutive posts.

For instance, my circle of old friends had visited my blog as I posted recently on the gathering. Some did reply my email to them but still none placed a comment - even if the blog was about them. And somehow I felt the effort was not really appreciated or rewarded.. BUT again, these are non-blogger nor blog readers so..

Gosh, I think I'm sounding like a pathetic attention-seeker..! But I just feel like thrashing this out..hello, is anyone out there? Or am I just writing for myself?

So, my dear readers (i know there are just a handful out there), please don't hide nor be silent anymore. At least say something - anything, if you wish to read more stuff from `Jess' 2 Js'. Then at least I will know there are indeed people reading and sorta appreciating and enjoying my blog.. and i'll be feel more motivated to write on..

Till then.. :/

When I Survey the Wondrous Cross

One of the most poignant and popular hymns of all time... which has fresh meaning and deeply moved me when I sang it at church this morning:


When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

Forbid it Lord, that I should boast
Save in the death of Christ my God
All the vain things that charm me most
I sacrfice them to His blood

See from His head, His hands, His feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

Were the whole realm of nature mine
There were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

Isaac Watts, 1707

Three Js ;)

It's time to have some updates on my two Js for this blog was dedicated to them actually..

They're good.. looking happy and healthy but Jelly has not been eating much. She's picky about the kind of dog food.. only likes one or two types.. oh well.. maybe it's a chance for her to be on a diet! ;p

Oh, just now I was drinking Irish Bailey's Cream and guess what, I gave them some and they liked it! haha, even my dogs are alcoholic like their mommy and grandpa!

The following pix was taken on a sunny afternoon last week..


Handsome Jojo...


Jelly lying down pretty..


Grabbed Jelly for a pix together!


Friendly Jojo holding my hand... :)


It was not easy to get the two Js to sit still!


A slightly better one.. :p

Old Friends get-together

Sometimes, some things don't change.. and in this case, old friends you know like two-and-half decade back although you hardly see each other!

No, not that we're eternally youthful.. but really, all of us still behave more or less the same way we did back in school. Well, these are friends you made from your teens, in boarding school. And its great to know that our friendship is still the same.. we could just pick it up where we left it eons ago.

Thanks to our bubbly Gail from Canada, who made a trip to KL just for a day before going back to he hometown Miri, we took this opportunity to call up some friends back from boarding school. And although it was just a small group (well, it was on Friday midday after all) but it was great meeting up and catching up, and I had a really fun time overall!

There were actually three parts to the day's program. Since i was not working, i volunteer to pick Gail up and also pick up Ms Busy Seeling whom I hardly these days although she lives in PJ and works in KL!

We met up with the guys for lunch at KLCC. Was quite impressed by Wong Chen who managed to round up Zainal, Edwin and Kington on a weekday noon. A couple of them couldn't make it but Gail spoke to them over the phone nonetheless..

Many of these old guy friends are doing really well, either running their own firm or business and driving big cars.. however, they are still the same in nature! Like Mr Tong, straight away asked me in Cantonese: `so have you found a man?' and went on to `taruh' me like he used to all the time. Nevermind he is the father of two boys!

After lunch was the `highlight'. Our poor friend Pat is still stuck in hospital (in fact her hospital bed!) for some time after her car accident in December. So although she had heard of Gail's visit last year but we didn't mention it again.. and I decided to surprise her by bringing Gail there. But guess what, the guys also wanted to visit her! Imagine her surprise and the racket we made in her hospital room - thanks to the gila and acid mouth Mr Tong and Tengku.. and of course the constant love-hate relationship with the latter and Gail herself. Long story.. hehe.

We then went back to KLCC and had coffee.. just the five of us left as the Edwin and Kington had to go back to work.. Then, we girls had to say bye to the guys as we headed to Shah Alam to look for Fiona - also my godson's mom. The full-time mom can't manage to join us for lunch but we made ourselves there to meet her and her two boys!

We had an early dinner and guess what, my first `loh sang' for this year! Glad to also catch up with Godson and his extremely chubby younger brother!

I managed to snap a few photos and since a few of them were mentioning about my blog, so I promised to blog about this and give them a minute of fame! ;)

Hope we'd have more gathering like this.. hint, hiint, people.


a shot of us at the restaurant minus Zainal who went for prayers while we waited for Kington to arrive..


Wong snapped us before we were ready!


Seeling, Gail and myself posing for the camera


Hmm.. what's so funny Wong Chen?


Pat looked touched by our visit.. ;) (from left: Wong Chen, Edwin, Gail, Zainal, Seeling, Kington)


Now I'm also in - snapped by Seeling


Was Pat horrified by the antics of some visitors? Seeling is a picture of poise (as always)


A candid shot of the `love-hate-couple' - but look at the horrified look on Zainal's face!


Me with my Godson Joshua (in red) and his brother Javen


`Loh Sang' together!


The gals and Fiona's boys.

deprived from blogging..?

So much ideas and inspirations, but so little time!!

Ever since Monday, I have been meaning to blog but alas, I was just so preoccupied with things.

What I wanted to blog on but didn't get to include:

• the resuming of my personal training and new female trainer!
• me finding it happy to be by myself when I go out - ie shopping, eating etc.. is it perculiar?
• am now at the anticipation period - a new job, CNY looming...
• a new shelf to accomodate my junks but how does a junkie spring clean the room?
• etc. etc... emm... there are some more I'm sure but its a bit late for my brain to function now.

Last few days had been quite fun. This week definitely more fruitful than last week where I was just staying at home to recuperate from the horrible cough and flu. But this week, I was out and about every day. Yeah, I realise I can't be a homebody unless i'm not feeling well..

Anyway, can you beleive it's already February? January has slipped us by so stealthily and rapidly.. Argh, before we know it, it would be 2008!

Am looking forward to tomorrow (Friday) - a full day `outing' as a dear old friend from my boarding school days will be here! Gail is only staying two-nite-one-day in KL (yep she arrived late tonite and leaving early on Sat morning back to Canada!) So I volunteered to be her chauffeur. After picking up carless SL and then Gail, we will be having lunch at KLCC with a gang of friends and then go to hospital to visit Pat (poor girl still have prob a month there) and then all the way to Shah Alam to my godson's home. Yeah godson's mom has invited Gail for dinner.. but I will have to leave early to be back to PJ for the peer group meeting..

Gosh! a very packed day indeed!

Then why am I still blogging and not to bed? :p

All I Once Held Dear...

All I once held dear, built my life upon

All this world reveres, and wars to own

All I once thought gain I have counted loss

Spent and worthless now, compared to this

Knowing you, Jesus, knowing you,

There is no greater thing

You're my all, you're the best

You're my joy, my righteousness

And I love you, Lord

Now my heart’s desire is to know you more

To be found in you and known as yours

To possess by faith what I could not earn

All-surpassing gift, of righteousness

Oh, to know the power of your risen life

And to know you in your suffering

To become like you in your death, my Lord

So with you to live and never die


The above is one of my favourite modern hymns.. the lyrics speak volume. And they meant even more as I sang it this morning at church..

As I rededicated my life and my all to the Lord the beginning of this year, I am determined to not let this `decision' wane.. it happened always in the past. And what's more powerful than being reminded again that this life is but a passing phase.

Why are we so concerned about things of this world - be it pleasure, possessions or positions.. Most of us have more than enough but enough is never enough.. and it seems the norm to better ourself or to seek for career fulfilment and success. And that has become our focus and priority in life.

God and the Kingdom's matters meanwhile, become more like our favourite pastime..

Pastor pointed out quite correctly that in most churches, there is a gap of worshippers between 30-40 years-old. That's because they are just too busy either climbing the career ladder or building up a family..

No, I don't think Pastor is being extreme or putting us on a guilt trip.. i believe the key words here are PRIORITY and OBJECTIVE. What are our priorities and objectives in life? A high-flying position? an affluent lifestyle? or just to enjoy and be happy?

But.. as it is written in Scriptures, uttered by our Lord Himself is this: What use is it if we gain the whole world but forfeit our soul?

Everything we invest on earth should have eternal value.. something that is pleasing to God. The academic qualifications, wealth or positions we accomplished here is nothing compared to what he wanted us to do: "LOVE GOD AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER" - which can be translated into serving and proclaiming His Gospel.

The fact that so many had fallen short was because we are basically weak, and that's why we need to come to draw ourselves closer to our Lord by reading His Word and praying, everyday.

I know this blog has not had much spiritual content in it so far. But in this new year, I intend to blog more on my spiritual thoughts, as a child of God.

Well, I thought of starting a separate blog.. but then I thought why should I compartmentalise my life.. I'm a Christian first and foremost and as much as I'm a physical and emotional being, I'm also a spiritual being.

So yeah, I think I should not feel shy or ashame to post about the greatest thing about my life and the most meaningful relationship I have.. and I hope that whoever who reads it, Christian or not, would somehow be encouraged or inspired in one way or another.

Like what I had blogged some time back.. there is a time for everything. And now, I believe the time has come for me to write more substantial and heartfelt posts in my blog..

But of course, don't rule out me posting frivolous and shallow stuff here as well. After all, I'm still me - a complex being that is often a paradox. :)

Rain Damper

I am not the most punctual person when it comes to attending press conferences or even interviews.. but in my 15 years or so as a journalist, i could barely recall I've ever missed an entire event..

But I did it today.. for Rain's press conference!! I arrived at the hotel at 1:40pm and the PC just ended minutes ago.

I tell you, I seldom felt so stupid and so angry with myself, and at the same time I also cursed the horrendous Saturday afternoon KL traffic!

It was my fault really. I had all the time to get ready for it. Knowing that the invitation says 1pm, I actually `dilee-deli' and ended up leaving home at 12:50pm. At that time I thought i was still ok as it normally takes less than 30 mins to reach town and press conferences for celebrities NEVER starts on time.

But guess what, this one started pretty on time because Rain was hardpress for time.

It was the longest 50 minutes drive where I had to abandoned the normal way (as the road was sooo jammed) to seek alternative routes and maneauver my car as quickly as possible in the middle of maddening traffic situation.

And when I finally reached the ballroom entrance, everyone was happily having refreshments. The girls at the media registration table gave me an incredulous look and said: `it's just over'.

Great! I actually MISSED Rain's PC and I had no one to blame but my lackadaisical attitude to timing. :((

Being the (ahem) competent journalist as i am, i got all the relavant details from fellow reporters and even dug up stuff like what Rain was wearing, how did he speak, was he friendly etc.. Ok, i think i managed to savage the assignment but I was upset for myself.. I missed seeing Rain face to face and a chance to ask him questions!

Oh, but I managed to catch a glimpse of him as he walked from one room to another for other group interviews, but the media I represented weren't selected for such `privilege'.

So what about the concert itself?

Well, because of the incident earlier, I actually reached Bukit Jalil by 7:30pm - very early by my standard. And spent some time loitering outside chatting with fellow journalists and even `camwhore' with a poster of Rain! (well, that would be the nearest I could get close to him!)



Found out that the editorial coordinator fo the magazine I was freelancing with is Reta the blogger - we also have a mutual friend Jess Tan who works with World Vision (which Rain is now an ambassador of) Such a small world..

Here is a pix of Reta and myself at our seat, me, holding a poster of Rain.


Ok, back to Rain's concert. Just as what I read.. it was a top class production. A beautiful stage design, stunning visual effects and top rate performances. Rain can REALLY dance, and the choreography was nothing short of brilliant and innovative. And he has such good stamina!



I tried to be absorbed into this great visual experience but somehow after a while, the sensation began to numb as the music and songs seemed to be more or less the same. And worse of all, we have no idea what he was singing. There were were English lyrics for a few of the songs. And to be honest, such pop fare was not really my cup of tea..

But you can't deny his enormous popularity.. his fans' response was simply thunderous anad overwelming. Every move he made there were more screams and yelling and he wasn't even taking off his shirt! Speaking of that, I heard our censor had laid out the rules and Malaysian audience won't be privileged enough to see Rain strip.



Yes, he kept his shirt on throughout the concert - the sexiest part must be when he was drenched in rain. And when he wore a singlet to review well-toned biceps, his fans went wild as well!

He teased by shaking his booties and for one of the songs, he did some rather crude pelvic trusting move that again sent his fans into delirium!

From where the media sat, it was hard to get any good photos with a digicam. This one was lifted from the organiser's website - taken in his earlier concert. Here, he was wearing a white shirt - buttoned up.



He may dance like a sex symbol, but when he spoke, he couldn't be more mushy!

"Don't forget I will always be with you my baby. I love you my babies!" He called the audience his `baby'

"I love your face, I love your heart, I love your body", he cooed at one point in his broken American English.. Argghhh, even as a woman, I was cringing. And whatever he said sounded so rehearsed and mechanical.

One thing came through from the show. Rain really tried very hard. He put in a lot of effort to make his show `the best' as he hoped it to be.

But to be honest, I was a little disspointed. I was expecting more - the kind of charisma and appeal and showmanship that exudes from the music and the performer himself.. like Leehom, like David Tao, like Eason and yes, like Alan Tam even...

But Rain? He is still so fresh and he lacks that X-factor. And his music doesn't have soul.
Sure, he is one mean dance machine.. but I don't see more beyond that.. even his vocal was nothing superb.

Now, Rain's fans can kill me but that's how I felt after watching 2 hours of him on stage.. But I guess I couldn't be this honest in my reviews for the publications..

Torrential Rain!

This is Rain - a 24-year-old bloke from Korea who is taking Asia by storm - and will be sweeping Kuala Lumpur this weekend with the largest ever concert to be held in our country - so promised the organiser.

Unless you have been living in a monastry of some kind, you would not fail to be bombarded by the ever-going on ads on TV and radio, as well as billboards to announce this young pop king's arrival to our shore for a one-night concert as part of his `Rain's Coming' World Tour.

And why am i publicising this concert? No, i'm not a fan of Rain. I think I might be if i'm like 20 years younger.. ok, make that 15 years ;) But like almost everyone who enjoys entertainment, you can't deny that Rain's performance IS something. I mean, the way he dances, the way he moves his body, the way he heats up the stage with his sheer presence - it is unprecedented as far as Asian entertainers are concerned.

This guy is just 24!! And started off as a not so famous actor on television. And suddenly in the last two years, he has created such a storm, so much so that even Time magazine named him as the top 100 influential people in the world (the only artiste form Asia) Hmm.. could it be the name Rain that has brought him luck?

Anyway, yours truly will be hit by the Rain fever this Sat. You see, being an ent. journalist at heart, I won't want to miss out this historical concert. But no I am not gonna pay for someone I don't really know! So the way to go was to cover the story for a publication, and that proved to be not difficult. So much so that it ended up I'm not just covering for one publications but two! A magazine, and a newspaper. That also means more work... and some `sacrifices'.

(btw, Rain is so hot that the concert organisers are not giving out any comp tix to the media at all this time!)

Rain will be holding a press conference on Sat itself. And I was asked to go - well, I would like to go myself too. But the time clashes with my vocal class that I've already missed once this term due to travelling. Sigh.. work being work (althoug it is freelance work), and it's Rain and not any so-called stars.. so after just minutes of deliberations in my head, I promised the magazine ed that I would go for Rain's pc too.

Good thing I made that decision for the newspaper ed also called me to attend both the PC and the concert. And for the paper, I need to file in a newstory on Saturday evening itself to be out in the paper the following day! That means I have to write the story before hand - thank goodness it's just a short captions story - as I won't want to go to the office after the concert! Will have to brief the news editor on the story too from the stadium. And from experience, it's impossible to talk on the phone due to the loudness of the music. we could only sms.

Quite a lot to juggle on Saturday and then have to start working on stories for the paper and the magazine the following days..

All thanks to Rain.

So, the concert better be as explosive as everyone has touted it to be, and Rain himself better blow me away to make me feel doing all these hard work is worth while!

p.s. as of now, i feel quite a lot better but the cough is quite persistent still.. hope i'll be fit enough to handle Rain on Sat!

self-induced suffering?

Sigh. guess i have over-estimated my health and recover ability.

After one week of first coming down with sorethroat and fever last Tuesday, i finally decided it is time to visit the doctor.

I have been getting medicines from pharmacist as well as from chinese medicinal shop but looks like it is not working. My illness is more serious than that. This morning, my cough got so bad that i felt i was running out of breath and my chest seemed to hurt..

Then i felt so tired and lethargic - something I have been feeling for days - and so much so that I had no energy to write up my articles even, on of which deadline is tomorrow! Today, although i woke up at noon, i had to go rest again after lunch and only woke up in between to see doctor.. and slept again from 5 to 8:30pm.

I think i cant blame not seeing doctor sooner for this. Basically i have not been resting enough.. In fact, everyday i have been out since i fell ill.. sometimes just a couple of hours but usually longer.

AND on top of that i had not been sleeping early! many of the nights were spent either updating my blog with my Bali updates and uploading photos really took a long time! Somehow to me that was so important to do that i was even willing to sacrifice my health for it!!

:(

Doctor seemed to take my illness quite seriously.. asked me lots of questions like "do you have fever on and off? do you have body ache? hows your appetite? etc.." and then he told me that I had virul infection after looking into my throat.. BUT added that he did not rule out dengue! You see, he just had two patients in the neighbourhood who had dengue and one of them died..!

So, after prescribing me loads of medicines - antibiotic and five others - he said if i still do not get better by Sat, i have to go back to him for a thorough medical examination - urine, blood test etc..

:((

But somehow I do not believe it is dengue.. for one i hardly have fever - only twice in the whole week and quite mild. and i have not been bitten by mossies lately at all.. at least I didnt feel it.. whatever it is though, I know i cant take my health for granted..

Hope the anti-biotics and med work. I want to feel alive and energetic again! I want my voice back.. and I miss gym!

Going to sleep soon despite getting lots of sleep today. I am still ill. And I need LOADS of rest.

footnote: it s so annoying.. suddenly i can t type the apostrophe sign on my keyboard!! other letters and symbols are normal, except the arrows and the stroke.. anyone know how to solve the problem?

a writer's dream..

Have been semi-ill for the past week or so. Thank God it wasn't a full-blown flu but from sorethroat and slight fever it has now developed into persistant coughing and hoarse voice. Maybe it's the medicine i'm taking or maybe just the reason of not feeling well, i've been feeling tired and sleepy easily.. even my owl-like sleeping habit has been broken, which may be a good thing..

But, but.. i feel SO unproductive. You see, this week I have three full-length feature stories to be submitted to three different magazines.. yeah, they're part of my rather leisurely freelance work. But heck, deadlines are really looming and I'm no where near completion. Well, at least the intereviews are done but i seem to be having writer's block from this bad cough.. or just feeling plain lethargic and unmotivated.

Yeah, it can't really be writer's block or else i won't be writing this post! I am quite a natural writer I know that but..

Speaking of writing. I went for a ex-colleague's book launch this afternoon at Borders. He has shared with me his book draft many many years ago and i could see it wasn't an easy path to get the book completed and published. He hardly mention about it in recently years.. and thus i was kinda surprised when i heard from someone that he's launching the book today!

What is more remarkable for him is that he actually got the subject's mother to launch the book. he has written a motivational book based on his childhood (and adulthood) hero Sylvester Stallone and his movies - especially the Rocky series, drawing life principles from Stallone the star (who incidentlly had a very tough childhood due to physical disabilities) He even went all out to sent the book to Stallone's mother Jacqueline and the action star himself.

At the launch/press conference, I could sense how proud and happy this author was for it was a journey that started almost 20 years ago.. and yet he has finally made it.

Congratulations, Gerald. It's great to see that you didn't give up your belief and ideals and finally achieved your dreams. And thanks for calling me up to share your joyous day. It has been an inspiration to me.. for someone who has started a so-called book of my own and had never even touch it in the last 8 years or so.. it is not even one-quarter on the way..

For 10 years, I told myself i really wanted to continue to write it and then get it published.. the experience i wanted to write meant a lot to me, for I won't be where I am now. And for it will be a great testimony about how God has worked in my life.

But alas, I think I don't have half of Gerald's will power and perserverance.. (he wrote for weeks non-stop and finished his first draft!) i'm so easily distracted by other things such as the Internet, or even my blog! - they're probably the biggest stumbling block to my book-writing journey.

You don't even have to talk about writing a book.. reading a book is a bit like a chore now for me.

Sigh...It's quite sad.

But again, I know if I want to, I could do it - like what my proud author friend signed in his book - just `Go For It!'

Fashionable two Js ;)

Among the many things I bought from Bali were two fashion items for Jojo and Jelly!

I chanced upon this little shop called Dogs Tail in Seminyak, it sells a range of dog's fashion items! But the prices weren't cheap. But so cute that I just had to pamper my dogs. So I slected a pretty cotton apron dress for Jelly and a blue motif scarf for Jojo. Being a big-sized dog who is scared of heat, I reckoned clothings will be too much for Jojo.



While Jojo takes to his new gift quite well (since it's more or less like a collar) I think Jelly prefers to be naked rather than be clothed. She seemed uncomfortable in it..at times even rolling on the floor. Poor thing. So after a while I took it off and will probably only let her wear it on the first day of CNY! ;)

Jelly loves her joy ride!

Little (fat) Jelly has an affinity for cars.. or more like for car rides.

She would jump into a car whenever the car door is open, maybe hoping to be taken somewhere interesting!

Early this morning, I took her with me into the car to send off dad and mom to the airport. It would have been her longest car ride ever - a total of one-and-a-half-hour to and fro KLIA..

And what a cool and calm passenger she proved herself to be! On the way there, she quietly sat on the floor space by my feet (since I was sitting at the back) While coming back, she just sat and mostly lay on the passenger seat quietly.. without disturbing me at all.. and really seemed to be enjoying the ride!

Oh, must mentioned when we reached the departure hall and I took her down while dad took down the luggages, she was all excited and ready to charge and even tried to pounce on a man (fortunately he was an Indian :P) Her usual wild behaviour!

But once she's inside the car, she is all steady and good. Even when we reached home and I opened the door to get down, she remained still on her seat.. hoping to go for another round of joy ride!

And I practially had to drag her down after a few minutes!