FAT! leave me alone!!

Cruel reality besieged me as I entered the 3rd day of new year.

Finally I took the long-overdue act and courage to step on the weighing scale and take out the measuring tape. I screamed and my heart sank - I am now at my FATTEST ever!! (sorry am not going to divulge my vital statistics here..)

But am I supposed to be surprised? Considering the way I pigged out in the second half of last year? I had given up dieting altogether and just let myself go.. you see, to me it's such torment to go on diet.. and with gritting suffering effort, the rewards comes slow. On top of having a slow metabolism rate, it doesn't help that a medication I'm on makes it easy to put on weight and hard to lose. So really, it just came to this stage that I felt it's not worth the effort.. most because I simply LOVE to eat!!

And now.. I am suffering the consequences of my stupid and wanton decision. My clothes especially pants and shorts are hard to buckle and I just dread to look at a full-length mirror anymore, especially when I am naked..

So what I to do? I remember exactly this time last year when i saw my ugly bulges in the mirror in my gym, I decided to do something about it. I embarked on a `slimming program' using supplements to help. Alas, it only lasted just over a month or so.. At this stage, I am very tempted to go for professional help. To be honest, although I know this is not the solution in long run, but from experience in the past, i have only been able to successfully lose weight when I joined a slimming centre. And yes, that was not to be permanent. But I really feel I can't do this on my own. Dieting alone, with my own effort is not going to bring me far..

On the other hand, if I were to sign up for slimming treatments, the considerations are more than just the cost. Yes, money is the main factor, but TIME is also another. I would need to spend (read: waste) many hours a week at least to be at the machines. And it's also no miracles - on top of that, I HAVE to go on a diet as well. Just that when you commit yourself to something - especially that with a fees - you will be more disciplined. And without the help of those hi-tech machines, dieting alone is VERY VERY difficult (for me at least) to lose weight..

I realise that I have this problem. It may be psychological but I been on a binge-eating spree in the last month or two especially. I dont' know what caused it. But I just crave for food or snack all the time! This is especially so during the wee hours in the morning when I watched TV. I had to look for some food to munch on, even I was not hungry. I could have exercise some will power to control the urge but somehow I just let it be..

So I was doomed I know.. :(

Today, after coming face-to-face of my weight and figure predicament, I told myself the least I could do now to rectify the deterioration is to start watching my diet. I must cut down the among of food intake and not to snack in between meals. My appetite and my stomach had been increased so much that now I must make it shrink again. So what if I feel a bit hungry.. I must just endure it.. or could I?

This ranting is getting too pathetic. I must think of an action plan and execute it right away. So far, there are only two plausible solutions. Could I be so firm and determined to really go on a strict diet (I know all the theories on healthy dieting) and go back to regular exercise to lose weight? Or I must face the fact that this might just be hopeless and I really do need professional help!??

ARGHH!! I really don't know.. God help me!! :((