My `accidental' puppy

This is a twist to an almost `tragic' story of a dog..

Last Saturday afternoon, I went to my usual pet shop to get dog food for the two Js. A cute little miniature schnauzer puppy caught my eyes and he was walking around! The pet shop owner said the pup was for sale but was letting him out for some exercise.. I couldn't help but cuddle him and play with him.

When I put some items on the counter, I didn't think twice but also carry the puppy and put him on the counter and played with him a while. I thought the owner who was behind the cash register saw what I did but didn't object; I turned round to talk to him and proceeded to pay.. and then suddenly there was a loud yelping sound!

As I turned round, imagine my horror to see the little puppy had fallen from the counter onto the floor! He was lying still, yelping and crying loudly and non-stop, clearly in agony! Seeing the way he lie motionless, it looked like he could have broken his leg! I was so shocked and in utter anguish.. What have I done!??

The owner said how could I put the puppy on the counter! (He didn't see me doing that he claimed..) He carried the pup and carefully massage his legs and kept listening to his heartbeat too.. he then put the pup on a cushioned bed.. the little pup still didn't move at all..

Words couldn't describe my feeling - I kept uttering `sorry, sorry, sorry' to the dog and also apologised to the owner.. I felt so distressed and heartbroken seeing the pup. Just minutes ago, he was so active and lively and now... If not for my stupidity.. :*(

I spent another 15 minutes or more with the puppy.. which by then had not made anymore noise. Thank goodness he was conscious and alert but looked so pitiful.. the owner said he would bring him to see a vet soon.

My heart was so heavy when I went home.. The whole night I couldn't stop thinking of the pup and was praying for him.. At night I tried calling the owner but could not get him.

I managed to contact the owner the next day and he said the pup was with the vet, and he still could not walk. They were trying to find out where the injury was. Two days later, I was told by the pet shop owner that they did an x'ray on the pup and found his spinal cord was injured! And he had only 50-50 chance of recovery.. and he still couldn't walk!

I was wretched and miserable! I felt like a murderer.. a dog's life is ruined because of my mistake. When I shared this with my family and one or two friends, some of them said if there's no chance of recovery, it's more humane to put the dog to sleep.. but this option deeply troubled me.

Then thanks to another friend who told me that paralysed dog could also live a `normal' life with the help of wheels.. and even showed me Youtube clip and website on it, I decided unless the vet recommended euthanasia, I would adopt the crippled pup and take good care of him and give him a good life to compensate him...

Yesterday afternoon when I contacted the pet shop owner, I was told the pup was back already. I went to see him, preparing myself to be heartbroken again.. and then to my joy and surprise, the owner said the pup could walk already! Not only could he walk, he could also jump up!

I saw the x'ray and it showed a column of his spinal cord has jut out' due to the impact of the fall. Although he seems pretty normal now, extra care needs to be given especially in keeping his body small.. If he grows heavy that would put strain on his spine and he may not be able to walk.

I must say I was so relief seeing and knowing that the pup could now walk and has no life danger from the fall.. So even though I have to fork out RM1K (a discount of RM200 apparently) to buy the pup - although the owner did not spell it out in the beginning, he finally admitted I HAD to take on the responsibility of buying the dog as he could not sell him anymore! Ya, I know I couldn't argue with the case...

So, this cute pup is my new `accidental' dog and I will be his new `accidental' `mom'. I am actually very excited although its under such circumstance that I have a third dog. But I love min. schnauzer and he is such a beautiful pup!

I somehow felt we had established a bond. And he seemed very happy to see me - totally oblivious to the fact that I was the one who caused him such pain and sorrow..

Because both my parents and I would be travelling in the coming week, the owner agreed to take care of him till we are back.

I spent the evening thinking of a name for my new pup - finally, I decided to call him `Jammy' or `Jam' for short.. According to the Urban dictionary, a meaning of Jammy is `flukey, lucky, defying probability with outrageous good fortune' - quite appropriate indeed!

Guess soon I will have to change my blog's name to `Jess' three Js'! And can't wait to welcome little Jammy home next weekend! :))

Dad's 70th Birthday: Celebrations and Surprises!

What exciting celebrations we had for dad's 70th Birthday!

Knowing that he's quite a low-key person and would not organise his own birthday party, I thought of throwing a surprise birthday dinner for him. After discussing with mom and sis, we decided to keep it as a family affairs - ie. have a nice Chinese dinner and invite his siblings and family as well as my mom's side.

To accommodate my sis and brother-in-law who are able to be back only after work on Friday, we decided to hold it on Saturday, after all, his Chinese birthday is not over yet.. I called my two aunts in Singapore and as well my other aunts and uncles in KL. Finally we got 29 people confirmed!

Of course he knew nothing about it. Instead, he thought of calling a few of his close friends over for dinner and drinks, and that happened on Wednesday (and some of them couldn't make it on Fri) And he didn't want to tell them it was for his birthday.

He really had a whale of a time on Wed night - after dinner, they went down for karaoke and really sang and drank the night a way!! Yes, he got pretty drunk...

And on his birthday proper, I told him I would cook him a nice Western meal. Ya, I do like cooking especially Western meals once in a while. :)

Dinner menu:

• fresh mushroom soup with dinner roll
• arugula, avocado and aspragus salad
• ribeye steak with red wine sauce
• roasted new potatoes
• buttered baby carrots
• molten chocolate cake with pecan vanilla ice-cream (no, i didn't make this ;p)
• red wine, brie with grapes

It was quite fun preparing for dinner and since I've had some experiences (ahem), the timing was pretty perfect and I thought I was quite organised! So everything was ready and dinner was served at 7:30pm sharp as expected!

And dad thought that was it, not knowing that the real two surprises were awaiting him.

He had no idea that my sister would come back for his birthday (it was a secret the whole family hid from him.. )

Earlier in the morning, sis has already sms him to wish him happy birthday and then in the afternoon, called and asked the kids to greet him too - telling him that they were going out that night!

Well, sis and brother-in-law took the late flight home from Hong Kong (as they were working and arrived at about 10pm. It was so funny when she returned dad's call, she was already on the cab home from airport! She even apologised for not being able to be with him on his birthday to which my dad said it's ok..

So, imagine his shock and surprise when my sis and b-i-l turned up at the gate at about 11:25pm! Dad's jaw dropped and his mouth agape. It was something he never thought of! And after hugs and all, I could see he was so touched and happy that tears welded in his eyes..

Dad would have thought was the ultimate birthday surprise for him..

The next day, we acted as usual and since sis and b-i-l were around, it was natural that we planned to go out for a meal. And we told him that the venue has been planned in advance. He was curious but I insisted we wanted to keep it as `secret'..

Of course, all the guests ie. our aunts and uncles from both sides and our cousins had all been informed personally about this surprise dinner and had been playing along with it. I found out that an uncle had to make up stories to dad about the date he was coming over (since he does come here quite often)

I texted the guests to remind them to be there at 7:30pm and we would arrive a bit late.. so dad would be greeted by a sea of people.

Perhaps dad was already elated enough to have sis back to celebrate his birthday with him, he really didn't suspect anything at all. Even when he saw an uncle's car parked at the car park of the restaurant, he just presumed it was a coincidence that they were also dining at the same place!

As we entered Elegant Inn, the restaurant manager played along and even pretended to have mixed up my booking and fumbling to find a table for us, as he led us to a darkened room. When dad pushed open the door, voices shouted `Happy Birthday!' and he was shell shocked as the lights were switched on.

Yes, he was literally stunned for a couple of seconds!

I think dad's reaction was a mixed one - of course he was happy to see all of them, including my two aunts who came specially from Singapore. But knowing him he also felt a bit bad as well.. he never wanted to trouble anyone and has always quite low profil.

But hey it's his 70th birthday after all, and that only happens once in a life time! :D

So all in there were 28 of us, seated in two big tables. It was a time of reunion and good company, to catch up with one another.

Of course, it was a time for feasting and drinking! The food was nice - I had spent some time and effort pondering over the menu and really glad it up to standard. And the service was very good (all included in the rather expensive prices!)

Drink wise, we had dad's favourite - whisky and also a few bottles of red wine.

Finally, we had special homemade birthday cake - a Rum & Raisin Cheesecake - ordered from my friend FBB. It was a really yummy, as extra rum has been added! Everyone loved it!

Besides a few quite hefty angpows, dad also received a beautiful framed painting and a collectable huge bottle of Johnny Walker that's more 20 years old.

But I'm sure, more importantly, it was the family get-together that surely made his birthday extra memorable..

... and not to mention the two big birthday surprises he would never forget! (phew, so glad we pulled it off and I gave myself a pat on my back as the mastermind.)

Happy 70th Birthday (again) dad, and ya, you deserve all the attention!! :D

Another Crime Alert!!

I became the victim of another crime just four months after that `bag snatch' incident! But thank God it's not as bad as it could have been!!

I was driving home after meeting up with a friend for drink and dessert in Cheras - taking that more `logical' toll-free way via Alam Damai home. It was just past 10pm. I stopped at the traffic light junction and noticed there was a motorcycle which headlamp was not on riding at the left side of me and stopped just behind. If I was not mistaken, it was a guy rider with a girl passenger. I didn't really pay much attention to it. There were at least 5-6 cars in front of me at the traffic light.

Then just a couple of second after I stopped, that motorcycle rode up to my left and then the rider, a young Malay guy, started hitting my passenger seat window with some hard object (which i couldn't tell what it was) When the first impact came, I thought he was some kind of a road bully! Then he hit a few times more, very hard, and the window began to `crack' - disintegrating but the glass did not break. It happened so fast and I suddenly realise he was trying to get my handbag on the passenger seat. I quickly grabbed it and then honked loudly. By that time, he had hit the window at least 7-8 times and since it didn't break, he gave up and then sped off!! I couldn't do anything as I was stuck at the traffic - which by then the light had turned green and I could move.. but the motorcyclist had already disappeared!!

The motorist in front of me must have witnessed what happened and slowed down and wound down her window to talk to me.. we got honked by the cars behind. It was a Malay woman and she asked whether I saw the number plate. I didn't and unfortunately she said she didn't as well but she advised me still to make a police report. I drove on with that shattering window and called home and related briefly to my dad what happened and asked him to accompany me to the police station. Noticing that window had a gap at the top, I tried to close it but the moment I pressed the remote, the whole glass fell off inwards!! Argh!! I became extra cautious and thankfully I didn't have to stop at any more traffic light.

Besides mild shocked after what happened, my reaction was that of anger more than feeling scared! I mean, what is our society coming to? Can't people work for a proper living rather than doing immoral, illegal stuff? Have they any conscience?

Thankfully the drive home was another five minutes or so and then dad took over the wheels - I sat at the back and we drove to the police station which happened to be just 200 meters away from the `crime scene'! We spent the next 40 mins or more reporting and waiting to take statement on the phone with the sargent. I took photos with my camera that was in my bag. Here is how it looked like:

Since I couldn't see the motorcycle's model nor the plate number, I know its almost impossible to arrest the culprit. But both my dad and I wanted to report to alert the police of such crime committed just at their backyard!

To think of it, it was really fortunate that my shattered-proof glass has protected me and my bag. I would have been so upset if my bag was taken for this time, I have some RM300 cash (besides the important documents) in my wallet, my beloved camera and the iPod touch my niece gave me! And nothing untoward happened to me. I really thank God for the protection..

But the troublesome thing is I had to get the window fixed - unsure if Nissan has ready stock or not, and then claim insurance etc.. It kinda put a damper to my mood - as tomorrow, or rather today, I would be going for a short holiday to the seaside with my parents.. for some relaxing and recharging.

Oh well, now that the incident had occured, I guess it's also timely that I can get away and just put this behind my mind for a while..

Pondering a `Cross-road'?

Somehow, I feel my life is at some kind of `crossroad' lately..

Perhaps it's to do with work and income - or the lack of it; a small part to do with the end of a relationship; and as a result the roaming of the mind thinking of unfulfilled dreams and aspirations - career, personal, spiritual... and then wondering as we're in the eighth month of 2010 and where my future lies..

I feel kinda lost sometimes.. :(

Yes, I know I am blessed. I don't have to worry about many things. I get to enjoy life as many see it - to pursue my interests, to have freedom to relax while many slog at work, and also hold a `job' that I love.. On top of that, I have God, a loving family, many friends.. so what else do I lack?

Well, blame my personality.... While I know and I'm independent, capable, confident in carrying out whatever I believe I could do, another part of me that I somehow feel I lack control of - I lack motivation, drive, discipline and worst of all self-control... to certain extent.

Ok, so last year I achieved something I am proud of - that that took lots of motivation, drive, discipline and self-control. I managed to lose significant amount of weight and `revamp' my appearance so to speak. But now I'm wondering why I can't translate that to other facets of my life - ie. my career, my ministries in God's kingdom, and general self-improvement which I am so far behind..

By self improvement, I mean things like reading to enhance my knowledge - articles and columns, news, books (i mean even frivolous books I hardly bother to read) but rather, I have been `wasting' too much time on things like Facebook (but thankfully I cut off the games addiction), watching HK series and God knows what else.. And what about the daily devotion time - reading the Bible, praying and meditating, which I so desired to do? Then there's exercise.. I regret to say since CNY, my fitness regime has totally gone down the drain..

It's not like I have been idle either. Just that for about 3-4 months this year, I have channeled my energy/time to something that unfortunately did not work-out.. to put it simply. I guess it's part and parcel of life experience and I'm still gradually picking up the pieces in a way, though life goes on as normal...

And now, after the `extended holiday' of family reunion etc.. and all is back to track, I'm faced with certain dilemmas. Firstly, work wise, what I thought was looking positive one to two months back unfortunately saw changes and I'm losing a current regular contribution as well as a couple of promising prospects. Other works are at best quarterly contribution and others adhoc. It makes me think.. could this be a `sign' that I might want to rethink of my career path? The thing is, I still love writing. In fact, the journalist in me would keep in view of interesting people/places I go.. It's nothing more satisfying to see your writing in print. But these days, I am not doing so much of `original' writing but many compiling, interviews that do not really test my writing skills (so maybe it's good to blog more regularly just to hone the skills.)

What about back to full-time work? I've been asked and my answer is still the same. Unless there's a job that offers equally great challenges, work satisfaction and remuneration, then I would consider.. So far, I have yet to find one and to be honest, it's hard for me to leave the freelancing lifestyle and freedom! If so, I have push myself more and also trust God to provide me with more work as a freelancer.

Spiritually, I know I have been quite `dry' in my walk but all the while from the people and places I go, I'm reminded again and again of His faithfulness. So I guess I should consciously live and commit myself and my life to the Lord daily and I believe He would guide. There is a nagging voice that still prompts me now and again to heed His calling and less of my own selfish desires..

Which brings me to this personal dream that I have been harbouring for some two years now. It's always been my dream to go to Italy, ever since a short visit after graduation. I love the country and felt so at home even though I didn't speak a word of Italian then.. Because of my vocal training, I started singing Italian arias.. Then the passion rekindled and I took up Italian lesson beginning of last year, which I enjoyed a lot. With the influence and encouragement of my first teacher, I really wanted to go to Italy - not just for a short vacation but to stay there for at least 2 months or so to study singing and language. Of course, the main factor would be financial. It's not easy to get sponsorship due to my age :( and that means I need to fork out quite a huge sum. But now that I have some contacts with my three Italian teachers who could help me in certain ways, it's a `dream' that can come true.. and in fact, I'm seriously considering and planning to go there in September 2011.

I'm praying for God's blessings in this plan of mine too...

So in the mean time, I know need more motivation, drive, discipline and self-control... to do what I should do.. no use feeling `sorry' for the inadequacy..

And I know, I am not lost really. And even if I'm at a crossroad - I should be reminded that His Cross would lead me onwards..

timely family holiday to...BALI again!! :)

This afternoon, I'm flying off to Bali - my fav ASEAN destination again!! :D

This trip is kinda unexpected and was only confirmed less than 2 months ago. After all, I had already went on a memorable solo trip in March this year. But I'm not complaining, cos it would be a family trip - with dad and mom and also sis, bro-in-law and my three nephews and niece!!

I guess sis has heard enough of me raving about Bali and finally decided they would also like to go there - since they had never been before. Well, their itinerary would be quite different, basically centered around the kids.. and we would thus be doing things and going places I've not done before. But we would also have lots of time to go spa and shopping! ;)

I'm really looking forward to it.. and thankful that it's come at a time when I really need a break away from the chain of events that had been happening in my life.. I've been quite sapped up physically and emotionally. Yes, I do deserve this break and more so, I thank God for the opportunity to go on vacation together with my closest loved ones - at the paradise island which I would never get tired of!!

Oh, and the bonus is that the flight and accommodation have been `sponsored'! ;) Well, and in exchange, I would be the `tour guide' of sort. After all, this would be my 4th trip there in 3 years!

So, I am telling myself now: forget about everything that's been preoccupying my mind, and soak into a vacation mood to do nothing but enjoy myself for the next five days.. Oh, and of course also the week that follows when sis and kids would be at home.

Ya, life is good.. and I'm glad I'm an optimist :)

Viva Espana!

Once in four years, the whole world becomes fixated over a month of football fiesta - which is now just over. But South Africa 2010 is definitely a memorable one - interesting matches, unexpected results and and unbelievable prediction of a famous psychic octopus!

Ever since my first World Cup in 1986, I have been hooked to the Beautiful Game. But funny thing is, I'm not a football fan per se. I don't follow EPL even.. BUT when it comes to the World Cup and international tournament like the European Championship. I am an ardent fan!

As in previous years, I was supporting Argentina and Italy (loyal as always..) but alas, the Italy team was a far shadow from that four years ago when they clinched the Cup, and was sadly kicked out in the first round. Meanwhile, the Argies, under the coaching of the charismatic Maradona, started off impressively but suffered a humiliated defeat in the quarter-final against Germany!

My heart was broken but of course, I watched on... and then I gradually fell in love with a team that combines great skills and flair (not mentioning sharing the same Latin root as two favourite teams) - yes, of course it is the Euro champion and our newest World Cup champion Espana!

I was elated when they beat the strong and sturdy Germany in the semi-finals and decided I would be rooting for them to win the final. They had not been scoring many goals but it's a feat for the eyes to watch them play..they had talented and some cute players too to boot! :p

So, the final saw the Netherlands versus Spain - a highly anticipated final as whoever wins, we would have a brand new World Cup winner!

(somehow I missed the closing ceremony on TV.. saw photos and it's indeed a colourful affair!)

Then the match itself.. which turned out to be quite a frustrating affair!

The first half was going nowhere.. basically the Dutch was just trying to stop Spain and by doing so committed tonnes of fouls and got many yellow cards. The rhythm of the game was rudely interrupted and both sides could not get their footing not mentioning scoring!

At the end of the night, only two of these Dutch players were not booked! And one received a red card.. what a shameful record!!'

Second half picked up speed and saw both sides creating more chances in the penalty areas. But still the goal eluded them.. and it remained goal-less at full time! We had to go into extra time.

I was already dreading and half-expecting a penalty shoot-out - just like four years ago, which would be such a damper for a World Cup final!

And then finally, shy of 3 minutes before the end of the extra time, just out of sudden, a brilliant Iniesta scored!! Dutch keeper Stekelenberg was beaten!

The goal came so late, but at such a brilliant timing that the Dutch just couldn't do anything about it. In fact, they looked so dejected and the last few mins both teams were just letting the time pass!

And yes, Spain won the World Cup for the first time ever! They were in a delirium and who could blame them? Spain goal-keeper Casillas was so overcharged with emotions that he covered his face and sobbed! And later, oas captain, he had the honour to lift the highly coveted Cup!

Congratulations to Spain! You're a well-deserved winner for sure!

Finally how could we forget Paul the psychic octopus? For the recent fortnight or so, this creature had been hogging the limelight as it had miraculous and accurately `predicted' the result of all the seven matches involving Germany (ya, his adopted home is Germany)

And then, for the first time, Paul also rightly predicted that Spain would win the World Cup!

It's a 8 out of 8 perfect record. What are the odds!?

So, adios to an exciting month of World Cup.. now, we would have to wait four years more to the great show in Brazil!

Perhaps Love...

Perhaps love is like a resting place

A shelter from the storm
It exists to give you comfort
It is there to keep you warm
And in those times of trouble
When you are most alone
The memory of love will bring you home

Perhaps love is like a window
Perhaps an open door
It invites you to come closer
It wants to show you more
And even if you lose yourself
And don't know what to do
The memory of love will see you through

Oh, Love to some is like a cloud
To some as strong as steel
For some a way of living
For some a way to feel

And some say love is holding on
And some say letting go
And some say love is everything
And some say they don't know

Perhaps love is like the ocean
Full of conflict, full of change
Like a fire when it's cold outside
Thunder when it rains
If I should live forever
And all my dreams come true
My memories of love will be of you

A time for everything...

Ecclesiastes 3

A Time for Everything

¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What does the worker gain from his toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on men. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

The scripture is full of truth and wisdom.. And indeed, although it's kinda sad and not what we've expected, now is a time when we need to take time off, take a step back and seek God's guidance and wisdom..

The happy moments - the rainbows after the storm - were short-lived and then all the nitty gritty problems set in again.. we have talked and shared our feelings openly, we have tried to get over them.. but I think after a while the pressure became too much especially for him.. so the best thing I guess we could do was to `take time off', to `cool down' and have time to ourselves... and not let history repeat itself..

Initially I was quite dismayed and upset, but when I brought it all to the Lord, He comforted me and reassured me, and spoke words of wisdom. He did not give me an immediate answer, but asked me to trust in Him and His timing. He knows we need time to heal, and we need time to build ourselves up again.. And what's most important now is we need to get our lives right with Him.. No matter what the future holds, it's in God's hand and it's no use that I get anxious and distraught over it..

It's not easy but strange enough, it has not been too hard this time round.. In fact, I told him about my prayers and what God has impressed upon me and he agrees. So now, we are leaving things as it is.. no expectations of what is to come, but to get on with our lives and trusting God's timing and leading..

I know when we finally have to come to that `cross-road' - which ever it may be, it would not be too hard.. as there is always a time for everything...

Wither de blog?

I have been blogging for five years now.. and I sigh at the pathetic state of this blog in its current form..

Looking back to the beginning, when I started this blog out of impulse and dedicated it to my two pooches - hence the name `Jess' two Js'.. I blogged enthusiastically and tirelessly, for the first couple of months, everything about my two dogs - including half-baked doggerel.

Then, as I ran out of things to talk about my dogs, it became my own blog - a `lifestyle' blog as it is known.. I blogged very frequently - at least twice or more a week, on everything mildly interesting that happened in my life - thoughts, events, food, travels etc.. and I took great pride in my blog.. as it has more or less chronicled all the worth-while memories that I would like to remember..

I don't know since when I have lost steam.. I even considered a couple of times in the last two years, taking a hiatus, or even stopping to blog altogether.. But of course I didn't give up. And at least there would be a couple of entries in a month or so.. But i must admit sometimes I kinda `forced' myself to come out with something to write, just for the sake of `updating' my blog!

I had wanted to do a `commemorative post' of sort to mark the 5th anniversary of blogging - which actually fell in the beginning of this month. But I forgot.. and many personal things had kept me occupied so much that the only blog post this month was something quite heart-felt.

Anyway, whey am I writing this post? I don't know.. in a way, as a freelance writer whose job is quite unstable, I really begin to feel that I have lost my flair for writing. For about half the work I do is monotonous, non-creative type of writing. And on the other hand, I have neglected this blog, which could serve as a platform for a more free flow type of writing. Sigh.. I am seriously beginning to doubt myself as a writer. Can i really write??!

Ok, self-pity aside, and since I'm an optimist, I can foresee there will be some topics worth blogging about. Actually I started a blog post last Thursday morning, when I was flabbergasted with American Idol's finale result! I was rooting for Crystal Bowersox - who undoubtedly was the most outstanding contestant for the insipid Season 9. And she performed very well on the finale performance show.. but again, almost repeating last year's shocking result, she lost to a guy who is pretty good, maybe more marketable, but definitely less brilliant than she was. And not mentioning bordering a boring personality. Here were the few lines I began with but had lost the steam to complete it...

I was holding my breath when Ryan Seacrest was about to announce the winner of American Idol this morning..

And I couldn't believe my ears!! Although deep in my heart I already had this hunch.. Again, for the 2nd year in a row, the clearly better contestant was robbed of the crowned!!

Ok, this was by far the most bored Idol seasons in years.. but amidst it, Crystal Bowersox was a sparkling star and had been consistently good with her choice of songs and her crystal clear, powerful vocals...

Oh well..

June is around the corner! And what's a bigger thing than the once-in-four-year Fifa World Cup? Yup, I am a World Cup fan although I don't watch much of other footballs including the Premier League. But since 1986 when the amazing Maradona led Argentina to win the Cup, I was hooked.. And had been following diligently the game of one-month every four years.. So ya, guess that would be something that I would blog about!

I guess the irony that although there may be things I would like to write about, I know there will be audience and sometimes I self-censor, especially something quite personal like relationships..

So, in the meantime, I guess I would not even call myself a blogger anymore.. unless I am once again inspired to really keep this blog as a close friend, whom I would like share my life and happenings and everything else that matter to me..

Till then..

So there are rainbows after a dark storm..

IT has been a long, tiring week... beginning with a storm early last Friday evening that culminated into a painful decision that appeared to be mutual.. and following that, hours and days ahead that were gradually transforming.. from almost hopeless to glimpses of hope..

But amidst this, God has been so good and faithful.. and He was definitely in control, guiding and leading us, in the heartaches, confusions and uncertainties we went through. And finally, when we knew that the feelings we had had never ceased, He showed us the rainbows..

Sometimes, we won't know what we had was precious till we (almost) lost it. And then when we thought we had lost it, we then realised how much it meant to us. And that if we take a step back and just think and look at the situation from a bigger picture, we then found out what we thought was `dead-ends' were just some knots that could be ironed out..

We had almost given up. But in my heart, it was more about `letting go' and letting God.. I knew it would be hard.. in fact, I cried myself to sleep for a few nights.. Memories came flooding back - of how it all began, the good times and how we talked hours and tried so hard to work through tough moments.. how we dreamt of a future together.. and while many good things that yet to come.. it was so sad that it had to end so soon..

But deep in my heart, and I know in his too, that we still loved and cared for each other... but the conflicts, the expectations and some issues surrounding our relationship seemed too overwhelming, too painful and tiring for us to cope. And then I also thought perhaps it was because we had entered the relationship too soon.. that we didn't know each other well enough.

I was grateful that we could still be friends. And I realise that even IF we were not a couple, we can be the best of friends.. we do share lots in common. In fact, the `friendship' that we were sharing in the past week, inadvertently became even stronger.. It's kinda strange, we actually communicated daily, either on chat, sms or phone..It was like we have never been apart.

Initially, he had said he believed we won't get back together... But on my own, I have prayed and somehow I knew somehow God is not finished with us.. So I just asked that he would leave things open and let God lead.. and he did not persist his original thought. And then, day by day as we spoke on the phone, I sensed the changes in his heart. Two nights ago, he told me it's not a question of `if' but `when' we would be together again... That was the first time I didn't shed tears when I went to bed.

And last night when we met up, it happened.. Just like we had the mutual decision at the same time last week to part, this time, we could no longer holdback our feelings for each other. Especially when we spoke of how some friends are having such huge issues and challenges in their relationship, and we could not even really pinpoint what big problems we had. Yes, of course we had our shares of fights and unhappiness (which couple doesn't) but surely they weren't something that we could not overcome, especially when we know how much we do love each other and how much we treasure the relationship.

We didn't talk much.. but there's a mutual understanding the comfort of holding each other.. Making up is always sweet.

While driving home, I was overwhelmed by emotions and cried.. I cried because I was so thankful to God for His goodness and faithfulness.. and that after the week of heartache and sadness, thinking that we have lost each other, he brought us back together.

Thank you God, for your rainbows after the storm... we would commit our relationship afresh unto You.